Continuously serving Kosciusko County since 1854
Sometimes it's hard enough just explaining the concept of death to a child.
Helping that child deal with the loss of a loved one can be overwhelming.
Fortunately, Kosciusko County has a support group that helps kids through the grieving process.
The "Good Grief Group," which began in 1995, holds two sessions per year. "Our purpose is to give kids a safe environment and an opportunity to talk about grief, about their loss," said Randy Packer, chaplain at Kosciusko Community Hospital and one of the group's organizers.
The support group targets kids between the ages of 6 and 12. Adult leaders for the group are Packer; Jan Hammaker, a counselor for Warsaw Community Schools; and volunteers from Hospice-Home Care and Compassionate Friends.
They meet every other Tuesday for 12 weeks at Harrison Elementary.
Packer said the opportunity for kids to talk about death in a non-judgmental environment can have amazing results.
"We don't sugar coat. We're very open and we talk about death openly," he said. "We don't say things like 'passed on,' we say 'dead.' We want kids to realize that death is a part of the life cycle."
One small boy, after attending the first session in which the children were asked about the specific death they're grieving for and their feelings about it, finally was able to talk about his feelings.
"It was the first time in three months he had even said aloud, 'My daddy's dead,'" Packer said.
Parents are encouraged to meet at the same time as their children, but separately. Even parents with the best of intentions may inadvertently do the wrong thing, Packer said.
"Maybe they want to shelter their kids: 'They might cry, they might talk about death,'" Packer said. "Really the best thing we can do is to guide them through it."
Parents also indirectly influence their kids because talking about the death of a loved one may make the parent sad, and the child may feel guilty for making his parent cry, Packer said.
Kids with signs of more unresolved problems are referred for more intense therapy, he said. But most children simply need to learn what feelings are normal and not to hide from them.
Packer emphasized that the Good Grief Group does not aim to "cure" the kids of their grief. The group is not an end in itself, he said, simply a means to helping kids learn to deal with grief.
"Grief is not something you can put on a time schedule. When you lose a parent or a sibling, grief is a lifelong process," he said.
Sessions include games, activities, plenty of discussion time, and crafts. For example, kids create a memory box in which they put things that created positive memories of the person they're grieving for.
They're also taught how to handle anger and how not to express anger. And this year's fall session featured discussion and suggestions for including memories in holiday celebrations of the person they lost.
"We want them to learn how that person can be a healthy part of their life and not a painful part," he said.
The last meeting of each session is the most emotional, Packer said. Each kid writes a message to the person who died, saying what they would like to say now to that person or what they wish they had said while that person was alive.
Then they attach the message to a helium balloon, take it outside and let the balloon go.
"There usually isn't a dry eye in the place," he said.
The group's spring session will begin in February and go through the end of April. Anyone who wants more information on the program should call Packer at 372-7884.
