Ukraine Attack Pauses Boy’s Adoption By Etna Green Family
Ukraine Attack Pauses Boy’s Adoption By Etna Green Family
Posted
David Slone-dslone@timesuniononline.com
Ukraine Attack Pauses Boy’s Adoption By Etna Green FamilyETNA GREEN - Vitalli turned 14 this week, but the Etna Green family hoping to adopt him weren’t able to throw him a party or send him a cake.
He’s still living in Ukraine as Russia continues its attack on the country.
In summer 2021, Tommy and Ashley Stills and their three biological children hosted two Ukrainian children.
“In Ukraine, they have a host program (Lifeline Hosting) where they pretty much allow orphans from Ukraine to come to the United States ... for the summer or the winter. And, so we had two of them with us last summer,” Ashley said in an interview Thursday.
The girl they hosted wasn’t available for adoption, she was “host” only as she lives in a foster home, but the boy - Vitalli - could be adopted. He was 13 at the time and a good fit for the Stills family, Ashley said.
“He wanted to be adopted. We wanted to adopt him, so we started pursuing the whole process of adoption, which is a lot of work,” Ashley said.
There are advantages for the Ukrainian children to be hosted in the United States, even if they can’t be adopted. Ashley said when they come on a hosting program, they learn English, they have the opportunity to visit another country, experience another culture and just to grow.
“They really learn what it’s like to function and be part of a family, which is huge, because in the Ukraine there is a huge orphan crisis and these kids grow up in these orphanages for years and then they really don’t know what it’s like to even be a part of a family because they’ve been in an institution since they were a baby or 6 years old or whatever,” she said.
Ashley said they started the process of adopting Vitalli in September.
“We were probably going to be traveling to Ukraine in probably five months or so for our first visit over there, and then now we have this going on. So, pretty much all adoptions are on hold right now. At least with our adoption agency,” she said.
Tommy said Vitalli “definitely fits into our family’s personality.”
“He just fit really good,” Ashley agreed.
When the Stills started hosting last summer, she said they were open to adoption but they weren’t doing the host program specifically to adopt.
“He was a good fit. He connected really well with our kids,” she said.
This past winter, the Stills hosted two other children - a brother and sister - for four weeks, spending Christmas with them.
“So we have that relationship with them as well,” Ashley said. “We’re open to maybe adopting them some day,” but they’re working on adopting Vitalli first for now.
That brother and sister are part of a larger sibling group of eight, and the Stills have a relationship with four of them. The other four are really young. Organizations like Lifeline don’t always know what happened to the parents in Ukraine, Ashley said.
“In Ukraine, there’s kids in the orphanage because they truly are orphans, like they have no parents. And then, in Ukraine, there’s a lot of social orphans, which means they might have parents but the parents have gotten their parental rights taken away for one reason or another,” she said.
Tommy said they’re staying in touch with Vitalli - as well as the other Ukrainian children they’ve hosted - through social media mostly. Ashley said, “Every day, first thing in the morning, we wake up, check our phones, trying to get a hold of our kids, make sure they’re still alive and safe. And they’ve been pretty good about communication because they know we’re concerned about them.”
Ashley said Vitalli was in the southeast part of Ukraine, which is “really, really bad” and “where Russia started invading right away.” Vitalli has since been moved to the western part of Ukraine.
“They’re all still there, they’re all still in Ukraine. ... Ultimately what we would like to do - which I’ve already emailed our senators and representatives and stuff - they’ve been with us already once before. They’re comfortable with us. ... They’ve gotten visas before. It would be ideal for them to come on an emergency visa, and if we could just take care of them and host them again until they could return back to Ukraine when their country is ready for them - that’s what a lot of the host and adoptive parents are really trying to ask the U.S. government, to approach Ukraine about, because at least we can get the kids out that have been to the United States,” Ashley said.
For the Stills, that would mean taking in at least five Ukrainian children, including Vitalli.
Ashley said she’s contacted U.S. Sens. Mike Braun and Todd Young about the children, but hadn’t heard back from them as of Thursday. She’s also emailed Congresswoman Jackie Walorski.
“That’s what a lot of the families are doing, just reaching out to their representatives right now. Because what else do we do? Even our adoption agency doesn’t even have any more information,” she said.
Tommy said when they talk to the Ukrainian children they don’t seem scared at the moment.
“Probably the ones that are still inside their communities are. The ones that have been on the move, probably not so much, because they are a little more in the west near Poland, and those cities haven’t been really bombarded yet,” Tommy said.
Ashley said the children hear air sirens and bombs. Tommy said they see the sky lighting up from the attacks.
“This might be an exaggeration, but Vitalli told me, I think it was like every five minutes he’s got to run downstairs” into the basement, Tommy said.
He said they’re glued to watching the news on Ukraine.
“That’s what’s hard. We have to stay informed because we have kids over there, but, yet, it can consume you, too,” Ashley said.
She said what has helped is that she’s connected with a lot of other families that have either hosted or adopted Ukrainian children and are in the same process.
“I have those people, and they have us, and we can communicate with each other, we can encourage each other and build each other up,” Ashley said. “If I didn’t have that, if we were just adopting on our own and we didn’t have any connections, it would be so much worse for us. But at least we have a good support network with these other families.”
She’s also thankful they have contact with the kids, they do have social media and can talk with them. There are other parents who can’t get a hold of their children.
“We’re just kind of being thankful for the contact we do have with them right now and just hoping and praying that we don’t get to the point where it is cut off and we don’t know what’s going on with them. A lot of parents had that scare,” Ashley said.
As for what others can do to help the families and the children, Ashley said just being aware and advocating for the children.
“That these are children. Obviously, they’re not Americans but they are kids,” Tommy said.
“They are kids and they have faces and stories,” Ashley said.
Vitalli and one of the girls the Stills hosted had birthdays Wednesday. Ashley said that was hard.
“The girl, she messaged me, the first thing she said that morning was, ‘It’s my birthday!’ And she was so happy and it’s so hard because they’re in a bomb shelter, they’re in a basement, they hear air sirens, they’re afraid of being bombed. And it’s their birthday, something that’s supposed to be a happy time,” Ashley said, asking for prayers for everyone.
