Continuously serving Kosciusko County since 1854
I was walking past the supermarket checkout the other day and one of those tabloid headlines screamed "How Oprah Did It!"
It had a picture of Oprah Winfrey on the cover. She was wearing some kind of workout outfit and had her arms raised with clenched fists.
The story was all about how Oprah had lost weight and won the battle of the bulge - again.
I didn't read it, but I can guess how it went. Heaping praise on her for getting into shape. Saying how tough it was, blah, blah, blah.
This bugged me.
I mean really. "How Oprah Did It!" Yipee! Come on, how could Oprah not do it?
She makes 500 gazillion dollars a year. She probably has her own personal trainer, an in-home workout facility, and a chef to cook her only the finest, nutritionally balanced foods. How could she not be in shape?
Now, if the supermarket tabloid really wanted to write something interesting, they should do a "How Jane Average Did It" story.
You know, how a working mom with a couple middle school-aged kids did it. How she dragged home from work just in time to hustle the kids off to soccer, football, dance or gymnastics. Then rushed home to whip up a quick meal. Then rushed back to pick up the kids. Then rushed home to eat, force the homework issue and argue about bedtime.
Now, with the kids tucked away for the night it's time for a lively workout, right? Wrong. It's time to collapse.
Even working moms with the most enlightened husbands are stretched to the limit on time. How many of them have an hour a day to devote to staying fit? But many of them still manage to do it. Why not ask them how they "did it."
I guess I have no sympathy for the stars who "battle the bulge." Seems like they're always whining about this or whining about that. They talk about the "rigors" of a Hollywood career. Yeah, it must be tough making those Mercedes and beachfront condo payments all at the same time.
And they're the ones who make the rest of us feel like we're overweight, even if we aren't.
Take my daughter, for example. A perfectly healthy 10-year-old. She has the cutest little figure a 10-year-old could have. She is in no stretch of the imagination overweight.
But she thinks she is. Or at least she says she thinks she is. She was looking in the mirror the other day and said "I'm getting fat." What nonsense.
But hey, that's life in the '90s. The waif look is definitely in.
That's probably why I don't like shows like "Friends." I don't watch much TV, but I watched that show once. Everybody on it looked like a supermodel. That's not real.
I suppose that's the idea behind it. The producers probably figure everybody wants to watch those actors and actresses because they are so gorgeous.
Not me.
I'd rather watch somebody like Drew Carey. He looks real. He looks like somebody I might actually hang out with.
The whole fitness scene in America is twisted.
On the one hand we have experts telling us how we need to be lean, fit and trim. There is a huge fitness industry selling us all manner of exercise equipment, diet plans and nutritional supplements.
Then, on the other hand, we have these huge corporations marketing quick-and-easy, high-fat crap for us to cram down our gullets.
Problem is, we like the fast-food side of the equation. The fitness side never seems to work out.
If you don't believe it, check out all the low-mileage exercise equipment you can pick up at the average garage sale.
On your way to the garage sale, check out the parking lot at McDonalds. The time of day doesn't really matter. There will be lots of cars there.
The end result is that every year the population gets a little heavier and a little more guilty about being a little heavier.
But I have the ultimate diet plan. It will have you on the road to your target weight in no time. There is no calorie counting, no measuring. Just three simple rules.
1. Evaluate each thing you eat or drink.
2. If it tastes like cardboard, sand or motor oil - have all you want.
3. If it tastes good or makes you feel good - avoid it like the plague.
