You've known there's been something wrong for a long time.
For years, decades even, but you can't remember exactly when it went bad.
We're not talking about politics, gas mileage, or the dollar menu where everything is now a little more than a buck. No, it's the music. It's just not, uh ... well, what it used to be.
"I Hate New Music, The Classic Rock Manifesto" does in print form what countless "greatest hits" compilation CDs and reunion concerts have tried to do - show that sometime after the 1970s, there began a gradual but steady decrease in true musical creativity.
Slowly but surely, we arrived at where we are today. Every rock band practically looks and sounds the same; what passes for dance music is no more than bad poetry spoken (or shouted) over a mindless 4/4 beat; and country music has gone completely corporate with interchangeable, formulaic tunes and performers.
And ask yourself, when was the last time a new band gave you a blistering guitar solo or unbelievable keyboard passage?
Thompson points out that "... music shapes you ... even determines the kind of person you will grow up to be."Although that statement could probably start an argument, die-hard music heads would certainly agree. It's the generation of music fans who came of age in the '60s and '70s who understand this, according to Thompson. In fact he states that "... 1966-1976 incorporates some of the most spectacular music ever made." He also wonders what the current generation will turn out to be like, given the abysmal state of popular music.
The entirety of "I Hate New Music" is loaded with that kind of stuff. The book is kind of like rock itself - moments of pure insanity, with the occasional speck of clarity. There's also the line or phrase that's pure genius, but only a line here and there, and then back to the insanity.
So, is it genius or insanity for Thompson to say that he regards the 8-track tape to be the best music delivery medium of all time? Genius or insanity to regard "Frampton Come Alive" as a more noteworthy accomplishment than The Beatles "Sgt. Pepper"? Genius or insanity to finally take a shot at all the sanctimonious "Save The (cause du jour) Concerts" we've experienced?
We're talking about rock and roll after all, so there are times when the fine line between genius and insanity disappears completely. Case in point is the chapter titled "A Glimmer Of Hope, or Let It Rut". This is an entire chapter dedicated the to best satire rock music has ever had ... Spinal Tap.
There's no real need to go into minute detail about "Spinal Tap," the movie. Besides, it's hard to find any musician who's worth his or her salt who hasn't seen it by now. What started as a fake documentary about a factitious band eventually beget records, tours, videos, TV appearances, etc. You know, all that stuff a "for real" band does.
The concept was so successful, and that line between genius/insanity, reality/fantasy so blurred, that when Aerosmith's Steven Tyler first saw it, he was annoyed and didn't think it was funny.
The point of that whole chapter is that something like Spinal Tap couldn't exist without the distinct brand of music and musician from the 1970s who provided the stuff of legend the move was based on. It's doubtful anything with such a lasting impact could be inspired from the current crop of bands.
Any good rock writer loves lists. Thompson's no exception, and loads "I Hate New Music" with some eclectic examples.
To name a few: "Ten Classic Rock Album Tracks That You've Never Played More Than Once (Probably)"; "Ten Artists From The '80s Who Gave The Decade Hope ... and Why"; "A Dozen Double Live Albums"; "Pig's Purse From A Sow's Ear - Ten Sgt. Pepper Covers"; "George Bush's iPod: Nine Downloads That Were Certainly Worth The Presidential Ninety-Nine Cents." There is more, of course, but you get the idea.
Thompson uses the last two chapters to actually publish a Classic Rock Manifesto that includes 18 points, and to give the world yet another list, his own "Top 100 Classic Rock Songs, 1968-1976".
"The great thing about lists," Thompson writes, "is that very few people agree with them. The great thing about this list is, nobody cares what you think."
In truth, though, there are a lot of people who care about great music, actually played by talented performers. If the current generation can just create a little of both, perhaps "I Hate New Music" will end up being an annoying footnote in a decade or so. If not, it truly will remain a manifesto for the generation who remembers what a good guitar solo sounds like.
