Editor, Times-Union: My racing mind is kind of like sitting in the control room of a television station might feel like. So many different things on-air and never being able to just stop and focus on one. Here is a channel I zero in on frequently.
Love. Love is the greatest. It truly is. The strongest emotion in my opinion, and defiantly the most powerful. Due to my current incarceration, all of the endless complexities that love seems to facilitate, become extremely simple. And since my little guy in the control room is always busy, simplicity is very welcome to me.
Here’s the punch line: Love is unconditional! OK. Good. Now what is unconditional? Uncle Webster defines unconditional as not limited by conditions, absolute.
So to truly love someone or something, there can be absolutely no expectations, demands, judgements. No pride, pity, jealousy or envy. Just an unbridled feeling that overcomes even the toughest and hardest of us all. If I am to really love someone I would never live in the past, or fear the future, only relish in what amazing things or miracles are happening today.
Forgiveness is essential to this process. If we are unable to forgive, our ability to love truly will suffer. Bitterness, resentment, anger, grudges, hatred can perch on our shoulder and completely consume all of our moral assets. Let go. If I allow someone else to anger me, they control me. How awful does that sound? How true though? If my inability to love leads me to not be able to forgive I might as well accept my fate as another person’s puppet. There's a simple choice there! Marionette with strings attached to my body? And do I want to be the ventriloquist puppet with an arm in my backside? Either way I am completely out of control at this point. So if I feel pain from someone that I love or anyone I must forgive. After that my decision to let the love die on flourish comes from trust. If I trust them on it, love will continue. If I don’t the love will most likely fade. After all, love is easy. Trust is hard earned.
All of this soul bleeding about love probably comes from realizing finally how much I’ve been loved over the years by my family, and how many toxic relationships I’ve been in. I will have to take responsibility for most of the toxicity of my relationships in the past. When I finally got done and took a hard look at my liabilities, I’ve come to the conclusion I’ve never truly loved anyone. Until now. Sobriety has done some fantastic things in my life. And will continue to do so until my earthly body becomes my spiritual body.
Today I owe many ammends to many people for years of loveless behavior. In addition, I have finally become a lover. I do my very best to unconditionally love, especially my family who has been there for me though it all. And because of all the pain, and discontent and inability to accept life as it should be, I am now able to love a woman in a relationship.
So for me to truly love today I must give. I will be poised to walk the hard road, pay the enormous price of self-forgiveness, seek absolutely nothing for myself. For love is our human destiny. And I have the greatest teacher of all. For God is love.
Darren Heinzman Warsaw
Editor’s Note: This letter was edited to conform more closely to the 500-word limit as stated in the letters policy.
