A big thank you to the good-looking nurses of KCH and Goshen Hospital for checking out us old dudes at the senior center health fair. Bad news for my detractors, though, as according to the girls I will be around quite awhile longer to raise even more "whoopee." That means "political hell" for the folks back home.At the Fort Wayne Chamber of Commerce candidates meeting Thursday night, a mob of hungry would-be politicos swarmed around those who might help them creep a little higher up the food chain. I wear high collars and hip boots to these events, especially around Halloween.
The Congressional candidates were brought up to give their presentations and I was ready to go with my five-minute Metzgerberg Address. First came Dr. Hayhurst, the boring-as-dried-paint democrazy. Next was Republicrat Marvin Stutzman, whose paint had dried a little brighter, but still no cigar. Clutching my freshly poured glass of happy juice so hard it nearly broke in my hand ... it was my turn.
But the master of debate passed both me and the Libertarian by, losing the best of the program to a bevy of party hacks and local Boss Tweeds. He told me, "There's no time left." I told him, "Don't pee down my leg and call it rain."
Later on something caught my ear - the Allen County sheriff said he was able to keep 80 percent of the value of all drugs seized. That's a formula for corruption if ever I heard one.
I bellied up to Marvin Stutzman and we shook hands. I suggested we have a debate. "What's in it for me?" he asked through the noise. I said, "Simple, the people who hate Tom Metzger show up, you out-debate me on the issues, and they drown you in donations - then you won't need those millions in welfare ... er, I mean federal and state subsidies, for your farming operation."
At that point Stutzman and handlers fled the scene.
