As painful as it is to admit, the Chicago Cubs’ seven-game winning streak, against contenders Pittsburgh and Washington over the last week, has been impressive. And let’s face it, if the Cubs continue to win 80 percent of their games, they’re going to win the World Series. The early-season success is making the Cubs bandwagon an especially crowded place. You know, there are ways of telling the die-hard Cubs fans from those who have just climbed on board. In fact, it might be easier to tell those two groups apart than any other in sports. For the newbies, Wrigley Field is on their bucket lists. They’ve always wanted to go, and now that the North Siders are doing a great job of not sucking (per manager Joe Maddon’s T-shirt directive) the newbs figure this year may be the best time to go. On the other hand, seeing the Cubs winning the World Series is the entire bucket list for die-hards of a certain age. October victory might be followed by internment in “Beyond The Vines,” a section of the Bohemian National Cemetery north of Wrigley Field. Look it up for yourself; it’s a cemetery that looks like centerfield at The Friendly Confines, and if more than 280 people choose it as their final resting place, the cemetery has room to add a left and right field. Those recently boarding the wagon couldn’t care less about the alleged curses. They are fully aware of them, of course, and would celebrate the removal of said curses, but if the Cubs never won a Series, life will go on. It would be easy to make a joke about Cubs fans cursing here, but I won’t. But there are folks out there with scars near their lower lips that can’t otherwise be explained other than the struggle to maintain self-control on an unseasonably warm October night in 2003. But I wouldn’t be shocked to learn of die-hards raising a billy goat named Bartman and finding him to be delicious. I’d hope these would be mostly rural people; otherwise the “processing” of the goat might make friends and neighbors nervous. The bandwagon fans are filled with anticipation, and can’t wait to see what happens next. The Cubs are loaded pretty much top to bottom and Maddon’s biggest challenge just might be finding enough playing time to keep everybody sharp. You never know who’s going to be the next to come through, and that excitement is the main draw to the wagon. For those who remember 1969, and 1984, and 1989, and 2003, and, and, and ... they might have a baseball-induced form of PTSD. Let me give you an example; there might be a Cubs fan who happens to be an accountant. He hits the “total” button on his calculator, and it comes up 1,908. He sighs, and moves on with his life. Another number-cruncher hits the same button, and the number comes up 1984. She grinds her teeth, takes a few deep breaths, and continues to work. I’ve wondered for years if people named Durham, Gonzalez, or Bartman can even get professional services in Chicago any more. I can’t imagine an accountant in Chicago saying “I’ve got good news, Mr. Bartman; you’re getting a $2,003 refund.” Lastly, if the Cubs were to be eliminated from a world championship possibility at any point in time, the bandwagon empties and its passengers wait for the next thing to come along. It’s always been and will be that way. Depending on the exact circumstances, the expectations for the 2016 Cubs are a perfect storm for another soul-crushing defeat; something the die-hards are always cynically protecting themselves against emotionally. Short of a Series title, last year’s playoff exit had to be as good as it gets for Cubs fans; the wild-card win against the Pirates, a playoff series win against their biggest rival, and a merciful, humane end to the run that was, for the most part, without drama. The Mets might not have been the better team, but at that moment they were certainly the hotter squad. You heard it here first; the bandwagon fans may be the first to arrive at Clark and Addison if the Cubs win the World Series, but the diehards may never go home again; they will savor that moment like no other fans have in the history of American sport. Because it’d be like no other moment any of us have experienced. Regardless of who we cheer for, do any of us dare to imagine what it’d be like living in a world in which the Cubs are defending world champions? I’ve been invited to jump on the bandwagon many times, but I think I’ll just enjoy one of my favorite hobbies – people watching. Thanks, anyway; I have all the entertainment I need. Regardless, the 2016 season on the North Side will be an interesting watch.
