I have decided to rest for a month or two from writing to work on a book  containing each of the columns I have written for the Times Union for the past 19 months.  The book will be the third one of its kind, two of them are now available from Amazon or from the Regulatory Affairs Professional Society.  While I have this rare opportunity I have decided to provide my random thoughts on raising children, words to live by, manners, marriage,  and my overall impression on growing old. I've been told on more than one occasion that my ideas are out of fashion in today's world--what do you think?

Raising Children   

I have a number of "words to live by" when it comes to raising children. Those words or phrases include: "Please"," Thank You"," "I'm Sorry", "I Love You", and "How Can I Help?".    I firmly believe that each phrase instills the character and maturity we should expect from them and they should be taught accordingly. It begins the process of learning good manners. These phrases, of course, are  applicable to adults too and central to many social interactions. 

"Thank you", or the acknowledgement of a gracious act is paramount, and when the child is old enough, best expressed in writing.  The gesture of sending Thank You notes has become a lost art. At the appropriate age, parents should insist  their children understand that a kind act or gift should be reciprocated.  One of my relatives refuses to send a second gift to any grandchild who fails to send a sincere thank you following the first one.  She also notifies the parents of her intent and displeasure. Good advice.  To help, parents should provide their children who have learned to write with a box of thank you notes with instructions on their composition.  Thank you notes are one of the indicators of a civil society. Gifts are not obligatory. Some people believe that a mere "thank you", phone call or quick email would suffice, I disagree.  When I retired years ago, I sent personalized thank you notes to everyone that attended and paid for the dinner.   I was particularly appreciative of individuals who arranged my party, and expressed those thoughts to each of them.  Emails or other social media are no substitute for a hand written message.   My other favorite phrases are self explanatory.  How can I help?--is not used often enough. 

Parents of young children may wish to purchase "How to Speak Politely and Why" by Munro Leaf. He has written an excellent series of books designed for raising children.

Words to live by

I have always been fascinated by witticisms, aphorisms or adages that help us live a better life. Many are included in Alice Cary's poem Nobility. I believe it is worth reading to children. One aphorism I frequently refer to was written by Albert Pine, it is a follows:  "What we do for ourselves dies with us.  What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal."

Manners

It may be my imagination, but I have the overall impression that today's baby boomers, millennials, generations X, Y and Z have little respect or venerate their elders.  This is not the case in Asia or in highly civilized societies.  Religions insist on it.  How often do you hear an older person addressed as "Mr" or "Mrs", or use of "Sir" by younger people. (I have been told that today these titles are superficial.)  I also believe that young or even middle aged individuals should seek advice when needed and thereby learn from someone who has been around a while.  I understand that the adage "With age comes wisdom, but sometimes it comes alone" may apply, but there is no harm in asking. If nothing else, it will make the older person feel rewarded.

Marriage

My suggestion for a gift to newly married couples is two punch cards with space to record a kind gesture by the bride and groom.  The instructions are to punch the card following each thoughtful act or act of kindness to your spouse.  Each should try to be the first to reach twenty and then start a new card.  Make it a game and each individual will reap the benefits.  I tell my grandchildren  that a successful marriage requires  compromise, commitment, communication, and cooperation.  Respect for each other and humility doesn't hurt. Speak to couples who have shared a life time together for advice, life is a continuous learning process.

Final thoughts

While I have the opportunity I would like to thank my editor and most of all my readers, especially those who have taken the time to write me with suggestions.  I am not to too old to learn.