A Fantasy Hoops Team Fit For The Big Screen
November 6, 2018 at 3:31 p.m.
By Aaron [email protected]
Basketball season is here.
It’s time for us to once again experience the awesome hype of Hoosierdom.
I hope to see local gyms packed to the brim – well within the fire code regulations, of course – and student sections out in full force.
Before we get to all that, allow me to kick off the fun with an all-fantasy basketball team. I did the same earlier this year with football, and now it’s time to take that same concept from the gridiron to the hardwood.
Check out my 12-man roster:
Head Coach – Norman Dale, “Hoosiers”
Every team needs a coach who builds a culture of winning and makes great players want to come out for the team. That’s exactly what Dale did with Hickory and Jimmy Chitwood. In fact, when the town wanted to get rid of Dale, Chitwood delivered an ultimatum that he wouldn’t play unless Dale was kept as head coach. Now that’s inspiring dedication.
Ken Carter, of “Coach Carter,” and Shooter, of “Hoosiers,” would be Dale’s assistants. Shooter would handle motivation, and help out with the offensive scheme. Meanwhile, Carter would assist defensively, and would be in charge of conditioning. Lots of conditioning.
Point Guard – Monica Wright, “Love & Basketball”
Sure, this movie was as much romance as hoops, but don’t sleep on the main characters’ skills. Monica Wright, the hard-working point guard, proved her basketball chops time and time again throughout the film. From thriving under a college coach with Pat Summitt’s toughness, to holding her own with future husband Quincy McCall, Wright could handle the ball and life with poise.
Shooting Guard – Jimmy Chitwood, “Hoosiers”
Another one for you Indiana folks. Chitwood is without a doubt one of the sharpest shooters in basketball cinema history, and he also is one of the most clutch. His aloofness disregarded, is there anyone else you’d rather have take the shot with one play left, and the state championship on the line?
I’ll wait.
Small Forward – Jesus Shuttlesworth, “He Got Game”
The son of Jake Shuttlesworth could realistically play any position on the floor, but he’d be best suited as the 3-guard. My offense would revolve around his sound fundamentals and stunning athleticism. However, most impressive is his perseverance in the face of adversity. When your father accidentally kills your mother, is shipped off to prison, and you’re left as the de facto caretaker of your little sister, hoop dreams may seem out of reach. For Shuttlesworth, it was nothing but a Tuesday afternoon.
What else could you expect from a man named for the streetball nickname of New York Knicks legend Earl Monroe?
Power Forward – Junior Battle, “Coach Carter”
This kid had undeniable grittiness on the basketball court.
The “only” Ty Crane, of rival St. Francis, may have thought this talents rivaled those of LeBron James.
However, that didn’t scare Battle, who went hard in the paint, putting numbers on the board and wrenching down rebounds against some of California’s finest.
By the end, even Crane had to give Battle his due. Respect.
Center – Neon Boudeaux, “Blue Chips”
Come on. He was played by Shaq. There was never going to be another player as my center.
Neon was smart, self-aware, funny, and could slam the ball like a starving teen dunks Oreos in milk. What’s more, he didn’t flinch when offered a Lexus by Western University, except to say, “I didn’t ask for that.”
How do you like his spin move?
6th Man – Antoine Tyler, “The 6th Man’
There’s no one better to be the sixth man than the title character of “The 6th Man.” Even death couldn’t stop Tyler from helping his team win, as his ghost kept the other team’s shooting percentage extremely low.
They literally couldn’t see him.
Reserves – I had to have at least one player from the Toon Squad (really, “Space Jam”) on my team, and Lola Bunny gets the nod. She had handles, and could pass the rock like Magic. Just don’t call her “doll.”
Sidney Deane and Billy Hoyle, both from “White Men Can’t Jump,” are on here for their athleticism and toughness, but mostly for their ability to get under the other team’s skin. Their strategic trash-talking would make Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley very, very proud.
Clarence “Coffee” Brown, of “Semi-Pro,” would jump-start his team off the bench, should they be in a lull. Tommy Shepherd, of “Above the Rim,” may do the same, but in a much more Willis Reed type of way. Anyone who can walk onto the court after not having played with an actual ball for years and win a hotly contested game can certainly provide valuable minutes off the bench.
Filling out the roster are Quincy McCall (“Love & Basketball”) and Jackie Moon (“Semi-Pro”). Not only is McCall skilled in his own right, but he would push Monica to greater heights with the competitive fire between the two.
Meanwhile, Jackie Moon is on the team solely because he’d be good for team morale. That, and he throws hilarious poker nights.
Bonus: Mascot – Buddy, “Air Bud”
Who else was it gonna be? Any dog who can fetch your newspaper for you and take it to the hole is worthy of being the fan-friendly face of the franchise.
His enthusiasm is off the leash. I’d just have to make sure to watch his intake of Kibbles ‘n Bits.
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Basketball season is here.
It’s time for us to once again experience the awesome hype of Hoosierdom.
I hope to see local gyms packed to the brim – well within the fire code regulations, of course – and student sections out in full force.
Before we get to all that, allow me to kick off the fun with an all-fantasy basketball team. I did the same earlier this year with football, and now it’s time to take that same concept from the gridiron to the hardwood.
Check out my 12-man roster:
Head Coach – Norman Dale, “Hoosiers”
Every team needs a coach who builds a culture of winning and makes great players want to come out for the team. That’s exactly what Dale did with Hickory and Jimmy Chitwood. In fact, when the town wanted to get rid of Dale, Chitwood delivered an ultimatum that he wouldn’t play unless Dale was kept as head coach. Now that’s inspiring dedication.
Ken Carter, of “Coach Carter,” and Shooter, of “Hoosiers,” would be Dale’s assistants. Shooter would handle motivation, and help out with the offensive scheme. Meanwhile, Carter would assist defensively, and would be in charge of conditioning. Lots of conditioning.
Point Guard – Monica Wright, “Love & Basketball”
Sure, this movie was as much romance as hoops, but don’t sleep on the main characters’ skills. Monica Wright, the hard-working point guard, proved her basketball chops time and time again throughout the film. From thriving under a college coach with Pat Summitt’s toughness, to holding her own with future husband Quincy McCall, Wright could handle the ball and life with poise.
Shooting Guard – Jimmy Chitwood, “Hoosiers”
Another one for you Indiana folks. Chitwood is without a doubt one of the sharpest shooters in basketball cinema history, and he also is one of the most clutch. His aloofness disregarded, is there anyone else you’d rather have take the shot with one play left, and the state championship on the line?
I’ll wait.
Small Forward – Jesus Shuttlesworth, “He Got Game”
The son of Jake Shuttlesworth could realistically play any position on the floor, but he’d be best suited as the 3-guard. My offense would revolve around his sound fundamentals and stunning athleticism. However, most impressive is his perseverance in the face of adversity. When your father accidentally kills your mother, is shipped off to prison, and you’re left as the de facto caretaker of your little sister, hoop dreams may seem out of reach. For Shuttlesworth, it was nothing but a Tuesday afternoon.
What else could you expect from a man named for the streetball nickname of New York Knicks legend Earl Monroe?
Power Forward – Junior Battle, “Coach Carter”
This kid had undeniable grittiness on the basketball court.
The “only” Ty Crane, of rival St. Francis, may have thought this talents rivaled those of LeBron James.
However, that didn’t scare Battle, who went hard in the paint, putting numbers on the board and wrenching down rebounds against some of California’s finest.
By the end, even Crane had to give Battle his due. Respect.
Center – Neon Boudeaux, “Blue Chips”
Come on. He was played by Shaq. There was never going to be another player as my center.
Neon was smart, self-aware, funny, and could slam the ball like a starving teen dunks Oreos in milk. What’s more, he didn’t flinch when offered a Lexus by Western University, except to say, “I didn’t ask for that.”
How do you like his spin move?
6th Man – Antoine Tyler, “The 6th Man’
There’s no one better to be the sixth man than the title character of “The 6th Man.” Even death couldn’t stop Tyler from helping his team win, as his ghost kept the other team’s shooting percentage extremely low.
They literally couldn’t see him.
Reserves – I had to have at least one player from the Toon Squad (really, “Space Jam”) on my team, and Lola Bunny gets the nod. She had handles, and could pass the rock like Magic. Just don’t call her “doll.”
Sidney Deane and Billy Hoyle, both from “White Men Can’t Jump,” are on here for their athleticism and toughness, but mostly for their ability to get under the other team’s skin. Their strategic trash-talking would make Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley very, very proud.
Clarence “Coffee” Brown, of “Semi-Pro,” would jump-start his team off the bench, should they be in a lull. Tommy Shepherd, of “Above the Rim,” may do the same, but in a much more Willis Reed type of way. Anyone who can walk onto the court after not having played with an actual ball for years and win a hotly contested game can certainly provide valuable minutes off the bench.
Filling out the roster are Quincy McCall (“Love & Basketball”) and Jackie Moon (“Semi-Pro”). Not only is McCall skilled in his own right, but he would push Monica to greater heights with the competitive fire between the two.
Meanwhile, Jackie Moon is on the team solely because he’d be good for team morale. That, and he throws hilarious poker nights.
Bonus: Mascot – Buddy, “Air Bud”
Who else was it gonna be? Any dog who can fetch your newspaper for you and take it to the hole is worthy of being the fan-friendly face of the franchise.
His enthusiasm is off the leash. I’d just have to make sure to watch his intake of Kibbles ‘n Bits.
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