Victim's Mom Relates Emotional Toll Of Abuse
July 28, 2016 at 4:25 p.m.
Editor's Note: This is the third in a series of articles on domestic violence and abuse.
As soon as she was old enough to communicate, "Heather" said she didn't want to go to her father's house.
Her mother, "Susan," was aware of her feelings, but visitation is visitation, and Susan figured her outdoorsy daughter missed her animals, toys and her siblings.
Susan knew there were things going on at Heather's fathers house that weren't going on at home. Things like adults who smoked, drank, fought and yelled at each other. Susan never married Heather's father, "Joe." Visitation began when Heather was 5 months old. Joe married a woman with a daughter and the couple had children together.
Heather didn't see her father for a year when he lost his driver's license because of "another DUI," Susan said.
Heather asked a friend if her father came into the bathroom with her. Her friend said yes, her daddy did come into the bathroom.
And that was the end of the conversation between two 6 year olds.
What Heather couldn't express, couldn't explain until she was nearly 8 years old, was that Joe sexually molested her every time she was with him. It all occurred while he gave her a bath in the bathtub. He never used a washcloth. He touched her and had her touch him.
When his wife would knock at the bathroom door to be let in for a minute, he would fly into a rage. When visitation resumed, Heather's behavior changed radically.
She would babble her every thought. She had panic attacks and wouldn't leave her mother's side. She was often withdrawn, staring into space. She refused to take a bath.
Susan took Heather to a counselor when she was 7-1/2 years old, and the little girl told the counselor what had been happening to her.
"So the counselor came out and told me," Susan said. "It's a scary thing. We're normal people."
Susan, her husband and children live in the country with a menagerie of horses, pigs, chickens, cats and dogs.
Heather does most of the chores and, unlike most middle school-aged children, doesn't complain about it. Heather talks about the animals as friends, naming each one and describing their personalities.
A brief glance around the barnyard reveals a hen from the flock is missing, and Heather fusses until the bird appears around the corner of a building.
"When you don't know this stuff, when you have no reference, no idea, no education about pedophilia, it's mind-boggling," Susan said.
Upon learning about her daughter's abuse, Susan immediately filed an injunction against Joe, demanding he give up his parental rights.
Heather began seeing a counselor who specialized in working with victims of child abuse.
"I thought Joe was stable because he'd had the same job for 19 years," Susan said. "The counselor named 10 traits of a child molester and he fit each one."
As part of the court order, Joe was required to visit the counselor, too. The counselor and Heather came up with a list of questions to ask Joe and he answered each one. He admitted he had sexually molested Heather since she was a baby. He gave up his parental rights.
"I screamed and I yelled. I was mad. I still am," Susan said of the confrontation. "I hope I never see him again."
Susan's husband has legally adopted Heather. To celebrate the adoption, the new father and daughter completely renovated the spare bathroom and installed a shower stall. The tub in the master bathroom was torn out, too, replaced with a shower stall.
"What I worry about is he's still out there," Susan said. "He's not on any list. Do we put Heather through all that again, in a courtroom? If he's not convicted, what would that do to her? But right now he's as free as a bird."
Heather said she doesn't remember everything and still "blanks out" when she thinks about bad things.
"He shouldn't have done that to me, no one should do it to anyone. It's bad," Heather said. "He could do it to anybody. He just puts on his happy face and gets his way."
According to the state sex offender registry, www.indianasheriffs.org, there are 143 convicted sex offenders within a 20-mile radius of Warsaw.
Effective Jan. 1, 2003, Zachary's Law requires sheriff departments to jointly establish and maintain the Indiana Sheriffs' Sex Offender Registry to provide detailed information about individuals who register as sex or violent offenders at Indiana sheriff departments (or, in Marion County, the Indianapolis Police Department).
The purpose of the registry is to inform the general public about the identity, location, and appearance of sex and violent offenders who live, work, or study in Indiana.
Zachary's Law is named for Zachary Snider of Cloverdale. Zachary was 10 years old when he was murdered by a convicted child molester in 1993.
For more information about domestic violence, go to www.victimservicecenter.org [[In-content Ad]]
Editor's Note: This is the third in a series of articles on domestic violence and abuse.
As soon as she was old enough to communicate, "Heather" said she didn't want to go to her father's house.
Her mother, "Susan," was aware of her feelings, but visitation is visitation, and Susan figured her outdoorsy daughter missed her animals, toys and her siblings.
Susan knew there were things going on at Heather's fathers house that weren't going on at home. Things like adults who smoked, drank, fought and yelled at each other. Susan never married Heather's father, "Joe." Visitation began when Heather was 5 months old. Joe married a woman with a daughter and the couple had children together.
Heather didn't see her father for a year when he lost his driver's license because of "another DUI," Susan said.
Heather asked a friend if her father came into the bathroom with her. Her friend said yes, her daddy did come into the bathroom.
And that was the end of the conversation between two 6 year olds.
What Heather couldn't express, couldn't explain until she was nearly 8 years old, was that Joe sexually molested her every time she was with him. It all occurred while he gave her a bath in the bathtub. He never used a washcloth. He touched her and had her touch him.
When his wife would knock at the bathroom door to be let in for a minute, he would fly into a rage. When visitation resumed, Heather's behavior changed radically.
She would babble her every thought. She had panic attacks and wouldn't leave her mother's side. She was often withdrawn, staring into space. She refused to take a bath.
Susan took Heather to a counselor when she was 7-1/2 years old, and the little girl told the counselor what had been happening to her.
"So the counselor came out and told me," Susan said. "It's a scary thing. We're normal people."
Susan, her husband and children live in the country with a menagerie of horses, pigs, chickens, cats and dogs.
Heather does most of the chores and, unlike most middle school-aged children, doesn't complain about it. Heather talks about the animals as friends, naming each one and describing their personalities.
A brief glance around the barnyard reveals a hen from the flock is missing, and Heather fusses until the bird appears around the corner of a building.
"When you don't know this stuff, when you have no reference, no idea, no education about pedophilia, it's mind-boggling," Susan said.
Upon learning about her daughter's abuse, Susan immediately filed an injunction against Joe, demanding he give up his parental rights.
Heather began seeing a counselor who specialized in working with victims of child abuse.
"I thought Joe was stable because he'd had the same job for 19 years," Susan said. "The counselor named 10 traits of a child molester and he fit each one."
As part of the court order, Joe was required to visit the counselor, too. The counselor and Heather came up with a list of questions to ask Joe and he answered each one. He admitted he had sexually molested Heather since she was a baby. He gave up his parental rights.
"I screamed and I yelled. I was mad. I still am," Susan said of the confrontation. "I hope I never see him again."
Susan's husband has legally adopted Heather. To celebrate the adoption, the new father and daughter completely renovated the spare bathroom and installed a shower stall. The tub in the master bathroom was torn out, too, replaced with a shower stall.
"What I worry about is he's still out there," Susan said. "He's not on any list. Do we put Heather through all that again, in a courtroom? If he's not convicted, what would that do to her? But right now he's as free as a bird."
Heather said she doesn't remember everything and still "blanks out" when she thinks about bad things.
"He shouldn't have done that to me, no one should do it to anyone. It's bad," Heather said. "He could do it to anybody. He just puts on his happy face and gets his way."
According to the state sex offender registry, www.indianasheriffs.org, there are 143 convicted sex offenders within a 20-mile radius of Warsaw.
Effective Jan. 1, 2003, Zachary's Law requires sheriff departments to jointly establish and maintain the Indiana Sheriffs' Sex Offender Registry to provide detailed information about individuals who register as sex or violent offenders at Indiana sheriff departments (or, in Marion County, the Indianapolis Police Department).
The purpose of the registry is to inform the general public about the identity, location, and appearance of sex and violent offenders who live, work, or study in Indiana.
Zachary's Law is named for Zachary Snider of Cloverdale. Zachary was 10 years old when he was murdered by a convicted child molester in 1993.
For more information about domestic violence, go to www.victimservicecenter.org [[In-content Ad]]