Thoughts On The Oughts
July 28, 2016 at 4:25 p.m.
By Gary [email protected]
I'm glad they're behind us.
Seems like there was that incident on Sept. 11, 2001, and things went downhill from there.
Honestly, bin Laden - if he's still alive - is probably quite pleased with himself. He probably hoped there would be an overreaction on the part of the U.S.
He hoped we'd go to war somewhere, squander the goodwill of the planet and wreck our economy in the process.
Having said all that, I would like to note that while Mr. Laden is living in a cave eating camel dung, I will be enjoying a frosty beverage and a batch of nachos while watching my beloved Green Bay Packers march to the Super Bowl - on a 42-inch plasma TV. (If my living room would have been a little bigger, I would have got the 50-inch.)
So I don't want to get too melancholy here, because the U.S. is still by far the greatest place in the world to live and we all have much to be thankful for - no matter what the talk-radio personalities say.
But the oughts truly brought us some silliness, didn't they?
Take social networking - please.
I don't have a Facebook page, but I know people who do. I see them on there, posting pictures of their Thanksgiving meals and providing way too much information about their personal lives.
I have one friend who actually was posting stuff on Facebook from his Blackberry about the Colts game while he was attending the Colts game. Of course, since the game was nationally televised, every Colts fan who cared was watching. Nonetheless, my friend was firing off Facebook posts, "Manning to Wayne for 6!!!!"
Honestly. Put down the Blackberry and step over to the beer cart.
The oughts also brought us Twitter. The only thing about Twitter that impresses me is how aptly it was named. Twitter - how twits communicate.
(For purposes of full disclosure I must admit here that I actually have a Twitter account. I was conned into it by a friend of mine. However, I also want everyone to know I have never actually used it.)
The whole idea of Twitter seems lame. It's to let people who "follow" you know what you're up to at any given moment in 135 characters or less. Of course this takes a giant leap in presumption that anyone really cares.
"Changing oil in snowmobile."
"Defrosting old refrigerator in garage."
"Careening wildly down CR 900N."
Of course you are, you idiot. Don't Tweet and drive.
The oughts also brought us reality television, which, unlike Twitter was completely misnamed. Nothing could be further from reality than reality television.
But it's cheap to produce and it's what the public wants. And entertainment executives always give us what we want. Except if we want quality, family entertainment. Which apparently we don't want, because if we wanted it, they would give it to us. But that's a whole column by itself.
I remember that first "Survivor" show. Some of my friends were all abuzz about it - saying what a groundbreaking show it was. I made the mistake of saying that it probably was all scripted. It was as if I had called their babies ugly.
I really touched a nerve.
I said I didn't think the producers would leave much to chance because, after all, they had to be concerned about ratings.
My friends said I was crazy - that they just let the cards fall because it was "reality."
After the show was over, Rudy the old guy sued the producers. Seems the producers told him at the outset of the show he would be the eventual winner. But during the show, ratings showed the demographics were trending toward the fat naked gay guy. So Rudy the old guy got booted off the show, the fat naked gay guy won and Rudy the old guy sued.
Now that's reality.
And if anybody still believes that singer lady Boyle wasn't a plant on "Britain's Got Talent", please send me money. I collect for the Tooth Fairy. Hey, where do you suppose she gets all those quarters?
Other reality shows trend between bizarre and just plain gross.
Loggers get their arms torn off. Contestants eat live bugs and bovine entrails. Fishermen get big hooks jammed through their hands.
And we get first-hand looks into the trainwreck lives of the likes of the Kardashians, Jessica Simpson and Ozzy Osbourne. Who would have dreamed that's what would sell in the oughts?
At the same time, the Internet was feeding our seemingly insatiable desire for D-list celeb sex tapes and gossip - more commonly known as outright lies - about A-list celebs with sites like TMZ and Perez Hilton popping up like spring dandelions.
The Internet and texting simultaneously dumbed us down with regard to grammar.
Hw r u doin. n e 1 4 a beer aftr wrk? Imho, lol, rotflmao, btw, brb.
It's insane. We actually get letters to the editor e-mailed to us like that. I'm tempted to run them as is, but that would be cruel.[[In-content Ad]]Ah, the oughts.
All those poor real-estate flippers and daytraders losing all that money.
Too-big-to-fail financial institutions taking huge government handouts and then handing themselves huge bonuses.
The government attempting to solve all our problems by throwing obscene sums of money at them.
Airline passengers having to be all but strip-searched to get on a plane.
At least we learned Tiger Woods was a serial philanderer, heard a bunch of inane Chuck Norris jokes and got a glimpse of Janet Jackson's breast on live national television.
But honestly, what could we have expected from a decade that started out with a presidential election that had to be decided by the U.S. Supreme Court?
So long, oughts. I'm really, really, reeeeeeally looking forward to the teens.
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I'm glad they're behind us.
Seems like there was that incident on Sept. 11, 2001, and things went downhill from there.
Honestly, bin Laden - if he's still alive - is probably quite pleased with himself. He probably hoped there would be an overreaction on the part of the U.S.
He hoped we'd go to war somewhere, squander the goodwill of the planet and wreck our economy in the process.
Having said all that, I would like to note that while Mr. Laden is living in a cave eating camel dung, I will be enjoying a frosty beverage and a batch of nachos while watching my beloved Green Bay Packers march to the Super Bowl - on a 42-inch plasma TV. (If my living room would have been a little bigger, I would have got the 50-inch.)
So I don't want to get too melancholy here, because the U.S. is still by far the greatest place in the world to live and we all have much to be thankful for - no matter what the talk-radio personalities say.
But the oughts truly brought us some silliness, didn't they?
Take social networking - please.
I don't have a Facebook page, but I know people who do. I see them on there, posting pictures of their Thanksgiving meals and providing way too much information about their personal lives.
I have one friend who actually was posting stuff on Facebook from his Blackberry about the Colts game while he was attending the Colts game. Of course, since the game was nationally televised, every Colts fan who cared was watching. Nonetheless, my friend was firing off Facebook posts, "Manning to Wayne for 6!!!!"
Honestly. Put down the Blackberry and step over to the beer cart.
The oughts also brought us Twitter. The only thing about Twitter that impresses me is how aptly it was named. Twitter - how twits communicate.
(For purposes of full disclosure I must admit here that I actually have a Twitter account. I was conned into it by a friend of mine. However, I also want everyone to know I have never actually used it.)
The whole idea of Twitter seems lame. It's to let people who "follow" you know what you're up to at any given moment in 135 characters or less. Of course this takes a giant leap in presumption that anyone really cares.
"Changing oil in snowmobile."
"Defrosting old refrigerator in garage."
"Careening wildly down CR 900N."
Of course you are, you idiot. Don't Tweet and drive.
The oughts also brought us reality television, which, unlike Twitter was completely misnamed. Nothing could be further from reality than reality television.
But it's cheap to produce and it's what the public wants. And entertainment executives always give us what we want. Except if we want quality, family entertainment. Which apparently we don't want, because if we wanted it, they would give it to us. But that's a whole column by itself.
I remember that first "Survivor" show. Some of my friends were all abuzz about it - saying what a groundbreaking show it was. I made the mistake of saying that it probably was all scripted. It was as if I had called their babies ugly.
I really touched a nerve.
I said I didn't think the producers would leave much to chance because, after all, they had to be concerned about ratings.
My friends said I was crazy - that they just let the cards fall because it was "reality."
After the show was over, Rudy the old guy sued the producers. Seems the producers told him at the outset of the show he would be the eventual winner. But during the show, ratings showed the demographics were trending toward the fat naked gay guy. So Rudy the old guy got booted off the show, the fat naked gay guy won and Rudy the old guy sued.
Now that's reality.
And if anybody still believes that singer lady Boyle wasn't a plant on "Britain's Got Talent", please send me money. I collect for the Tooth Fairy. Hey, where do you suppose she gets all those quarters?
Other reality shows trend between bizarre and just plain gross.
Loggers get their arms torn off. Contestants eat live bugs and bovine entrails. Fishermen get big hooks jammed through their hands.
And we get first-hand looks into the trainwreck lives of the likes of the Kardashians, Jessica Simpson and Ozzy Osbourne. Who would have dreamed that's what would sell in the oughts?
At the same time, the Internet was feeding our seemingly insatiable desire for D-list celeb sex tapes and gossip - more commonly known as outright lies - about A-list celebs with sites like TMZ and Perez Hilton popping up like spring dandelions.
The Internet and texting simultaneously dumbed us down with regard to grammar.
Hw r u doin. n e 1 4 a beer aftr wrk? Imho, lol, rotflmao, btw, brb.
It's insane. We actually get letters to the editor e-mailed to us like that. I'm tempted to run them as is, but that would be cruel.[[In-content Ad]]Ah, the oughts.
All those poor real-estate flippers and daytraders losing all that money.
Too-big-to-fail financial institutions taking huge government handouts and then handing themselves huge bonuses.
The government attempting to solve all our problems by throwing obscene sums of money at them.
Airline passengers having to be all but strip-searched to get on a plane.
At least we learned Tiger Woods was a serial philanderer, heard a bunch of inane Chuck Norris jokes and got a glimpse of Janet Jackson's breast on live national television.
But honestly, what could we have expected from a decade that started out with a presidential election that had to be decided by the U.S. Supreme Court?
So long, oughts. I'm really, really, reeeeeeally looking forward to the teens.
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