Have you ever been assaulted by bureaucracy? Strangled by red tape?

I have.

I tried to get a license plate for a used boat trailer. I would have been better off trying to register a stolen BMW.

Now, before we embark on this chronicle of futility and frustration, I want to make one thing crystal clear.

I am in no way being critical of the employees at the local license branch. They were efficient, polite, poised and professional. We joked about the task at hand. We laughed. Everything was completely cordial.

No, the people who work at the license branch are not to blame for the inane laws they are forced to administer. That blame lies squarely on the shoulders of the state legislature.

Frankly, I simultaneously respect and have sympathy for the license branch employees. If I was charged with foisting such absurd policies on the general public, I would probaby lose my mind (what little is left of it) after a very short time.

Anyway, this is my story. (Take note, local legislators. Let's get this ridiculous law changed.)

I wanted a little bigger fishing boat. Mine was a 12-foot jon boat and I wanted a 16-foot v-hull.

So I sold my little boat and found this bigger one sitting on a trailer at a boat place in Syracuse. The whole cost of the boat and trailer was 350 bucks. The boat was around 20 years old and the trailer was at least that old.

Off to the license branch I went to register my rig, armed only with my bill of sale.

That was sufficient to register the boat, but not the trailer, I was told. For the trailer, I needed to apply for a title before I could secure a license plate.

I was handed a slip of paper that had to be filled out by a police officer. The officer had to visually inspect my trailer to determine whether it had registration numbers on it.

It didn't. It had been painted at some time in its long, meager existence. There were no numbers to be found.

That meant I had to take a picture of the trailer, which I did, and have the film developed. Then, armed with a picture of my trailer and a signed affidavit from a police officer, I returned to the license branch, certain I would get my license plate.

The worker filled out several forms, charged me $2.50 and explained the process from this point forward.

The bottom line. No license plate - yet.

My picture, the forms filled out at the local branch and the affidavit from the officer would be sent in to the state. The state would then inspect the documents and issue a number for my trailer.

They would send me the number. After receiving the number, I must have it engraved on the trailer.

After engraving the number on the trailer, I must have the trailer inspected again by a police officer. He must verify that the number on the trailer is the number the state sent me.

Then, armed with my new police affidavit and my new number from the state, I get to go back to the license branch. They will mail all my newly acquired trailer paraphernalia off to Indianapolis. The state will then issue a title and I can get my license plate - I think.

I suppose the original intent of all this was to deter people from stealing trailers. The net effect, of course, is to deter people from registering them. How many people do you think follow through after that initial visit to the license branch?

But I will not be deterred. I will have my trailer license plate. This is a test of wills between me and the state of Indiana and I will prevail.

Well, maybe.

I have a friend who went through steps one and two, just as I have. And guess what? The state never sent him the number to engrave on his trailer. Know what he did? He blew it off. So anytime he hauls his trailer, he's forced to break the law.

I suppose photographing and engraving your trailer ensures that it is yours, but how sure do we have to be? Do old, beat-up boat trailers really need ID numbers and titles?

It seems to me that if you have a really expensive, nice, new, shiny boat trailer (one worth stealing) it will have ID numbers you could mail in for a title. If you have an old heap like mine, it won't have numbers. So what?

Why not title the trailers that do have ID numbers and just issue plates to the ones that don't. They could even keep one of the cop inspections, if they must. That way, the license branch would know if the numbers had been scraped off or something. (Although it would seem police officers have much better things to do.)

Or maybe they could hang a dollar value on it. All trailers worth less than $500 don't need titles, or something.

Those simple measures would be enough to deter those wishing to get rich in the black market for rusty old beat-up boat trailers.

Perhaps I am being overly critical. Perhaps our legislators have more wisdom than I realize. Perhaps Russian paratroopers will descend upon you as you read this.

But it seems to me three visits to the license branch and two visits from police officers is a bit much to ask just to hang a license plate on a $100 boat trailer. [[In-content Ad]]