Positivity Amid Strife
July 28, 2016 at 4:25 p.m.
By Darren Heinzman, Warsaw-
Last August I went to the Ocoee River in Tennessee with my boss and some co-workers to whitewater raft. (Highly recommended). This river runs down the side of a mountain and is comprised of three parts. The “upper,” which was in fact the site of the 1996 Olympics; the “mid,” where most started their rafting experience; and the “lower,” which is similar to a “lazy” river.
The seasons of my life, I’ve recently noticed, were ironically very similar to the river.
In the beginning everything was slow and smooth much like the lower. Good parents, good home life, nor worries or stress. Simplicity would be a good description of this season.
Floating along just letting the current carry me, enjoying the scenery, laughing and joking with those who were flowing along with me. To keep simplicity so the seasons of life change requires growth, maturity, honesty, open mindedness, willingness, etc. These are not the easiest things to attain to me.
I took the easy way out I thought. I hopped out of the flow and took off down the mid. Now the river is much faster paced, more dangerous, and full of rapids. I began to use drugs, break the system and begin a series of unhealthy relationships. The moment I began clouding my mind with drugs, and dividing whatever was left between life and whatever girl I was with. Just when I found out I had a son on the way, I met the strongest woman I’ve ever known. In fact, I had done irrepairable damage to the mother of my son, and it was over. I’ll never forget the spiritual experience that occurred when my son was born. Wow! And strangely I took this woman flowers that day.
I almost thought I was ready to step out of the mid and back to the lower. Being 22 I was full of fear and drugs. I decided to run from everything. My son, women, life and I took a straight trip to the upper. Now I only went down the upper once during my trip and strangely enough that's where I spent the last eight years or so.
One would too describe this ... insanity. Non-stop chaos! And with good reason it was the rafting site for the Olympics. The similarities are endless. Two people had already died on the run that year! I almost got off last year. I at least returned to the mid when I stopped using in February 2011. So why wasn’t I happy? Why wasn’t I back to the simple flow that would allow me to grow and flourish? Toxic relationships, much like the river, never stops flowing, we humans never stop growing. And I accepted last December 2011 how arrogant, narcissistic and controlling I’ve been. It hit me like a slap in the face. The rapids finally knocked me out of the boat! I went under. Drowning is an awful experience, and just when I thought I was a goner I saw a familiar life line submerge itself under the water.
I grabbed it and was yanked from the rapids to the shore. As I looked up to see who it was, all I saw was light and realized that it was God. He alone had the power to take me from this river of life and give me another opportunity. I also realized that every time I was incarcerated or at a recovery house I was given this same pause. Pulled from the powerful rapids again, I’ve used this opportunity out of the river to change me. Make unclouded and undivided decisions. I was able to let go of a relationship that was unhealthy and proceed with the problem. Me.
Finally realizing that life is never conquered, never won, never will I be wise. I am now ready to ride the lower for the rest of my days. So I will complete my journey to the bottom of the mountain to step back in to the flow. All the while equipping myself with all the tools needed to maintain myself through recovery. Also these tools prepare me if the current picks up, to know where and how to step out and back to the lower, the simple life. Coffee with a sunrise, on a porch of a home I built with my bare hands.
If life is chaotic and you’re constantly battling the rapids, sometimes we need to fall in, grab the lifeline and sit on shore for awhile. So we look inside ourself during this experience, never stop dreaming of the life you always imagined. And be patient and willing to take a time our from the river of life. And sometimes the river, it flows both ways.[[In-content Ad]]
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Last August I went to the Ocoee River in Tennessee with my boss and some co-workers to whitewater raft. (Highly recommended). This river runs down the side of a mountain and is comprised of three parts. The “upper,” which was in fact the site of the 1996 Olympics; the “mid,” where most started their rafting experience; and the “lower,” which is similar to a “lazy” river.
The seasons of my life, I’ve recently noticed, were ironically very similar to the river.
In the beginning everything was slow and smooth much like the lower. Good parents, good home life, nor worries or stress. Simplicity would be a good description of this season.
Floating along just letting the current carry me, enjoying the scenery, laughing and joking with those who were flowing along with me. To keep simplicity so the seasons of life change requires growth, maturity, honesty, open mindedness, willingness, etc. These are not the easiest things to attain to me.
I took the easy way out I thought. I hopped out of the flow and took off down the mid. Now the river is much faster paced, more dangerous, and full of rapids. I began to use drugs, break the system and begin a series of unhealthy relationships. The moment I began clouding my mind with drugs, and dividing whatever was left between life and whatever girl I was with. Just when I found out I had a son on the way, I met the strongest woman I’ve ever known. In fact, I had done irrepairable damage to the mother of my son, and it was over. I’ll never forget the spiritual experience that occurred when my son was born. Wow! And strangely I took this woman flowers that day.
I almost thought I was ready to step out of the mid and back to the lower. Being 22 I was full of fear and drugs. I decided to run from everything. My son, women, life and I took a straight trip to the upper. Now I only went down the upper once during my trip and strangely enough that's where I spent the last eight years or so.
One would too describe this ... insanity. Non-stop chaos! And with good reason it was the rafting site for the Olympics. The similarities are endless. Two people had already died on the run that year! I almost got off last year. I at least returned to the mid when I stopped using in February 2011. So why wasn’t I happy? Why wasn’t I back to the simple flow that would allow me to grow and flourish? Toxic relationships, much like the river, never stops flowing, we humans never stop growing. And I accepted last December 2011 how arrogant, narcissistic and controlling I’ve been. It hit me like a slap in the face. The rapids finally knocked me out of the boat! I went under. Drowning is an awful experience, and just when I thought I was a goner I saw a familiar life line submerge itself under the water.
I grabbed it and was yanked from the rapids to the shore. As I looked up to see who it was, all I saw was light and realized that it was God. He alone had the power to take me from this river of life and give me another opportunity. I also realized that every time I was incarcerated or at a recovery house I was given this same pause. Pulled from the powerful rapids again, I’ve used this opportunity out of the river to change me. Make unclouded and undivided decisions. I was able to let go of a relationship that was unhealthy and proceed with the problem. Me.
Finally realizing that life is never conquered, never won, never will I be wise. I am now ready to ride the lower for the rest of my days. So I will complete my journey to the bottom of the mountain to step back in to the flow. All the while equipping myself with all the tools needed to maintain myself through recovery. Also these tools prepare me if the current picks up, to know where and how to step out and back to the lower, the simple life. Coffee with a sunrise, on a porch of a home I built with my bare hands.
If life is chaotic and you’re constantly battling the rapids, sometimes we need to fall in, grab the lifeline and sit on shore for awhile. So we look inside ourself during this experience, never stop dreaming of the life you always imagined. And be patient and willing to take a time our from the river of life. And sometimes the river, it flows both ways.[[In-content Ad]]
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