Parents Speak About Daughter's Rape
July 28, 2016 at 4:25 p.m.
By Jennifer [email protected]
However, what happened to their daughter is every parent's worse nightmare. Their teen daughter was raped a year ago in their home by one of her male friends while her parents slept.
With National Crime Victim's Rights Week Sunday through April 24, the Smiths want to tell their story and help other parents who have teenagers to provide advice on ways to prevent their teens from being victims of teen dating violence.
The male who raped Shirley was two grades older in school than she, at the time. Besides attending school together, the friends also went to the same church.
"They were in the beginning stages of a flirtatious puppy love," Stan said, describing his daughter's budding relationship.
Stan said when a rape happens it not only affects the victim, but the victim's family.
Stan is a crime victim advocate and he owns and operates a foundation working with law enforcement agencies and court appointed special advocates focusing on sexual abuse in assisting in the investigation, and potential criminal and civil aspects of sex crimes.
The boy and Shirley met six months prior to the rape. They talked on the phone and texted, and Shirley's parents even met the boy's parents at church.
"We knew his parents and the boy because they went to the same church we did, but he was a boy who got out of hand," Stan said.
The boy visited the Smiths' house several times prior to the rape to spend time with the family.
"Looking back there was absolutely no signs or warnings that were given that the boy would rape my daughter," Stan said.
The Smiths said one night a year ago after they went to bed their daughter let the boy into their home to watch television.
Shirley told her parents and investigators it started out as hugging and kissing, and then he pinned her down and raped her and then ran out of the home. Shirley told her parents and investigators that she said no to the boy.
Shirley went to school the next day and confided in her friends that things got out of hand and he took control of her. She told a counselor what had happened and her parents were called.
Stan said Shirley told the counselor the incident wasn't voluntary.
The Smiths called the police and a rape kit was performed at the hospital that confirmed that their daughter was raped by the boy.
The boy and Shirley went to the police department and were interviewed in separate rooms.
Stan said the boy said he had gotten in the moment and lost control, but didn't rape her, but Shirley knew the boy raped her.
The police said they could not press criminal charges because it was a he-said, she-said situation. The rape was never tried in court.
"We had to go through the process of closure for her and let her tell the police what had happened and let her know we did everything we could to let her tell her side of the story," Stan said.
Shirley has been in counseling once a week for the past year. Stan and Shirley also are undergoing counseling to heal from the emotional scars of the incident.
"We are not trying to be alarmists, but want parents and teens to be cautious," Stan said.
The Smiths want to provide advice to parents with teens to prevent dating violence.
They advise parents to not allow teens to go to parties and events unless they know the chaperones are present.
Stan said a rape can happen anywhere.
"A rape can happen when a child is on a bike ride, in the church basement or in your own home even when the parents are there," Stan said.
Stan said advice he can give to parents with teenagers is to not allow their teens to spend time with members of the opposite sex unless the parents have met their parents first.
The Smiths also advise parents to tell their teens when they are at a party to keep their beverage with them. If they set the beverage down and walk away and come back to it, don't drink it and get a new cup.
"As a crime victim advocate I have seen rapes happen because the victim is not watching their food or drink and are taken advantage of when a drug is slipped into their food or beverage," Stan said.
The Smiths also advise parents to monitor their teen's Facebook accounts and texts.
Becky Moreno, Warsaw Police Department's victims services center coordinator, provides advice to parents on teen dating.
Advice includes asking questions about your teen's life, listen with an open mind, support your teen, open up clear channels of communication and be calm and take positive action.
However, what happened to their daughter is every parent's worse nightmare. Their teen daughter was raped a year ago in their home by one of her male friends while her parents slept.
With National Crime Victim's Rights Week Sunday through April 24, the Smiths want to tell their story and help other parents who have teenagers to provide advice on ways to prevent their teens from being victims of teen dating violence.
The male who raped Shirley was two grades older in school than she, at the time. Besides attending school together, the friends also went to the same church.
"They were in the beginning stages of a flirtatious puppy love," Stan said, describing his daughter's budding relationship.
Stan said when a rape happens it not only affects the victim, but the victim's family.
Stan is a crime victim advocate and he owns and operates a foundation working with law enforcement agencies and court appointed special advocates focusing on sexual abuse in assisting in the investigation, and potential criminal and civil aspects of sex crimes.
The boy and Shirley met six months prior to the rape. They talked on the phone and texted, and Shirley's parents even met the boy's parents at church.
"We knew his parents and the boy because they went to the same church we did, but he was a boy who got out of hand," Stan said.
The boy visited the Smiths' house several times prior to the rape to spend time with the family.
"Looking back there was absolutely no signs or warnings that were given that the boy would rape my daughter," Stan said.
The Smiths said one night a year ago after they went to bed their daughter let the boy into their home to watch television.
Shirley told her parents and investigators it started out as hugging and kissing, and then he pinned her down and raped her and then ran out of the home. Shirley told her parents and investigators that she said no to the boy.
Shirley went to school the next day and confided in her friends that things got out of hand and he took control of her. She told a counselor what had happened and her parents were called.
Stan said Shirley told the counselor the incident wasn't voluntary.
The Smiths called the police and a rape kit was performed at the hospital that confirmed that their daughter was raped by the boy.
The boy and Shirley went to the police department and were interviewed in separate rooms.
Stan said the boy said he had gotten in the moment and lost control, but didn't rape her, but Shirley knew the boy raped her.
The police said they could not press criminal charges because it was a he-said, she-said situation. The rape was never tried in court.
"We had to go through the process of closure for her and let her tell the police what had happened and let her know we did everything we could to let her tell her side of the story," Stan said.
Shirley has been in counseling once a week for the past year. Stan and Shirley also are undergoing counseling to heal from the emotional scars of the incident.
"We are not trying to be alarmists, but want parents and teens to be cautious," Stan said.
The Smiths want to provide advice to parents with teens to prevent dating violence.
They advise parents to not allow teens to go to parties and events unless they know the chaperones are present.
Stan said a rape can happen anywhere.
"A rape can happen when a child is on a bike ride, in the church basement or in your own home even when the parents are there," Stan said.
Stan said advice he can give to parents with teenagers is to not allow their teens to spend time with members of the opposite sex unless the parents have met their parents first.
The Smiths also advise parents to tell their teens when they are at a party to keep their beverage with them. If they set the beverage down and walk away and come back to it, don't drink it and get a new cup.
"As a crime victim advocate I have seen rapes happen because the victim is not watching their food or drink and are taken advantage of when a drug is slipped into their food or beverage," Stan said.
The Smiths also advise parents to monitor their teen's Facebook accounts and texts.
Becky Moreno, Warsaw Police Department's victims services center coordinator, provides advice to parents on teen dating.
Advice includes asking questions about your teen's life, listen with an open mind, support your teen, open up clear channels of communication and be calm and take positive action.
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