Another installment in the never-ending saga of things that bug me.

The Ozone

I don't get this whole global warming thing.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't think it's beyond the realm of probability that the greenhouse effect is real.

It is quite conceivable that the earth is heating up because we are surrounding ourselves with ozone depleting gases.

I won't argue the science.

And, if it is true that the globe is warming, then lots of people will eventually be affected.

Everybody who lives near a coastline, (which, by the way, is almost half the population in the U.S.,) would need some major flood insurance if the polar ice melts and the oceans rise.

So let's assume that global warming is at least a possibility. We should probably do something about it.

That's where I have the problem. They talk about longer-lasting, more efficient light bulbs. They talk about limiting aerosol spray cans. They talk about two-cycle lawnmowers.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't it make sense for somebody to market a decent electric car?

I mean really. I refuse to believe we don't have the technology.

Sure, it takes electricity to charge batteries. And power plants generate some of those bad ozone-depleting gases.

But overall, if everybody was driving an electric car, my guess is that it would really put a dent in this global warming thing.

But that will never happen.

Big Oil and Big Cars simply have too much to lose.

And our government depends heavily on gasoline taxes.

Gasoline taxes generate billions of dollars annually. The government subsidizes oil companies.

That's why there's no hue and cry from the government to make an electric car.

And there probably never will be.

Ellen

My wife, Mary, used to watch "Ellen."

I say used to because she has tired of it.

She liked it back in the good old days, when Ellen wasn't an out-of-the-closet lesbian.

Even after Ellen was an out-of-the-closet lesbian she still watched - hoping that the show would continue to amuse her.

Actually, I watched Ellen in the old days a few times myself. I kind of liked her penchant for turning a routine situation into a crisis.

McCall's did a cover story on Ellen in the good old days - back in August 1996.

"In only two years she has emerged as one of TV's top comedians, playing a quirky bookstore owner with an equally offbeat assortment of friends," the story said.

"As the excessively apologetic Ellen Morgan, even her most mundane activities (waiting for an elevator, in-line skating, watching Melrose Place) have hilarious and often unexpectedly complicated results."

Yeah, that's it. That's why I liked the show. But then came this lesbian thing. Now the humor is all lesbian.

I don't think it's funny.

Each episode shows her in another weird lesbian relationship.

She has become the poster child for lesbianism - and her show is the bully pulpit.

In this week's episode, quirky little Ellen fires a barb at the Baptists who don't like her avowed lifestyle.

Then she plants a huge kiss on co-star Joely Fisher (Paige) and later asks, "Was that your tongue?"

Glad the kids were doing homework.

And now Ellen is threatening to quit the show because ABC put the adult content disclaimer on at the beginning.

She says it's discrimination because they wouldn't have done that if she had kissed a man.

Yeah, and people all across America wouldn't have simultaneously gone "Eeeuuuuw" if she kissed a man either.

I'm glad ABC used the disclaimer.

Please understand. If Ellen DeGeneres wants to be a lesbian, that's fine with me. That's her business.

But when she streams it into my living room under the guise of entertainment, it's our business.

There will be no more Ellen on our TV. I have to hand it to Mary, though, she really gave Ellen a chance - really tried to hang in there as a fan. Ellen used to make her laugh. But no more.

I looked at the Nielsen ratings for the prior week. Ellen was at number 14. I'm taking bets as to when she falls out of the top 20.

Big Money

I think we all have become anesthesized to big numbers.

The other day, Tim Allen signed a deal with ABC for $1.2 million per episode of his hit show, Home Improvement.

Home Improvement is a funny show, no doubt, but $1.2 million a week? Come on.

I understand he was able to get that much because Jerry Seinfeld gets $1 million per episode.

At a cool million, Seinfeld was the highest paid entertainer.

Allen (and I assume, his agent) were able to break the record.

Seinfeld's show, according to Advertising Age magazine, commands the highest ad rates in the industry - $565,000 for a 30-second spot.

And you wonder why stuff costs so much.

In the office the other day, I was reading in disbelief about the judgment against Chrysler - $262.5 million. More than a quarter billion dollars.

This because a kid got killed when the back door of a minivan popped open during an accident.

The van was hit from the rear at an intersection. It spun and rolled. The kid wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

Lawyers for the kid's family argued that since vans are big and roomy, Chrysler should have known kids wouldn't wear seatbelts. Chrysler was negligent because the door shouldn't have popped open.

The doors popped open in 37 other accidents, the plaintiffs said.

Car doors pop open all the time in accidents. If the car's frame gets bent, the door pops open. It's basic.

I was in a wreck. The driver's door popped open. I was in a VW Rabbit. Looking back, I probably could have owned VW. Oh, well, another missed opportunity.

After hearing about the judgment, one of my staffers used the word "reasonable."

That's proof that we as a society have completely lost all sense of what constitutes a lot of money. [[In-content Ad]]