There is a lot of bad news in the world and sometimes I just need a break from writing about that stuff.

So this week, nothing about terror, high gas prices, global warming or anything else disturbing.

After living on Dewart Lake for the past 17 years or so, I have taken up a new hobby - windsurfing.

Some people call it sailboarding. Some people just call it sailing.

Anyway, it's basically a surfboard with a mast and a sail attached to the middle.

It has straps on the back that you put your feet into.

I know what you're thinking. Sounds like kind of a dumb hobby.

Well, I don't know.

Sure, one could say that standing on a floating board, hanging on to a sail and being pushed or pulled around a lake by the wind is kind of lame.

I've heard people say that about guys in sailboats.

They say things like, "That guy has been fooling around on the lake for two whole hours now. What in the world is he doing out there?"

Frankly, I think sailing of any type makes at least as much sense as driving a personal watercraft across the lake at breakneck speed and then seeing how many times you can spin it around.

And it certainly makes as much sense as being dragged behind a powerboat on a souped-up innertube. I always like to watch parents dragging their kids around on those things.

I think it's a way to surreptitiously punish the kids. If you've ever been on a lake, you've seen it.

Dad driving. Mom watching. The kids on the innertube screaming.

Dad turns hard left, the tube gets whipped outside the wake and is skittering across the surface of the water at about 70 mph.

Then the kids lose grip and go skittering across the surface of the water at about 70 mph.

Dad stops, turns the boat around and the kids gleefully climb back aboard the death tube for another go around.

The kids don't seem to realize they've just endured more pain than mom and dad would ever mete out for an F on a report card.

Then, of course, there are the waterskiers and barefooters.

I know them well because I was one of them. I say was because a couple of years ago, my slalom skiing and barefooting lamp grew dim.

I guess I just really got tired of slamming my head on the water at 40 or 50 mph.

I tried wakeboarding. It's been a couple years since I've done that, too.

And I never did it like the wakeboarders I see out on the lake these days. I just kind of shushed back and force behind the boat.

Today's wakeboarders have boats with bladders full of water in the back to make enormous wakes. They have attachment points on these scaffold-looking devices high above the boat.

This causes wakeboarders to "get air."

They go flying really high in the air and try to do flips and twists. Most times they land on their side, back, face or head. Once in a while they land on their feet and ride away.

So I think windsurfing surely makes as much sense as any of the other stuff I see going on out on the water.

And I figured windsurfing would be a nice, mellow, low-exertion hobby I could take with me into my golden years.

I bought a board, mast, sail and boom.

The mast for my board is 490 cm. I don't know why they measure everything windsurfing in centimeters, but they do. Honestly, 490 cm of mast meant nothing to me - until it was delivered.

The thing is 16 feet long.

The sail I ordered was in the middle of the "wind range" for my board. The guy who sold me the stuff said if I really get into this I will want a whole "quiver" of different size sails and masts.

My board takes sails from 6.0 to 10.5 square meters, so I got a 7.5.

Again, I didn't really have much of a concept of what 7.5 square meters of sail would look like until I unfurled the thing in my front lawn.

I have seen smaller garden plots. They should measure these sails in acres.

I assembled the whole thing this past weekend and took to the water. I had sailed before on a borrowed windsurfer, so I knew the basics.

But this equipment was much more - how should I put this - aggressive. The other board had a tiny sail. This board has foot straps and a harness that you bind yourself into.

Over the weekend, Monday and Tuesday the wind was in the 3- to 5-miles-per-hour range and I was feeling pretty confident about my sailing prowess. I could go anywhere on the lake and make it back home without falling off more than a couple of times.

I put the harness on a couple of times and felt O.K. about it.

Quite enjoyable.

Then there was Wednesday. It was windy. I don't know how windy. But it was windy.

As I was sailing, the wind kept trying to rip the 16-foot-tall mast and 7.5-acre sail out of my hands. I was hanging on for dear life, my arms aching.

Ah, the harness. I need the harness. I had to let go with one hand to drop the little hook from the harness over the loop on the boom.

When I did that, the wind blew the boom out of my other hand and I crashed.

I got back on, uphauled the sail and started sailing again. This time I was able to let go with one hand long enough to hook up the harness.

The wind in the sail immediately hurled me out of the foot straps across the mast and over the front of the board.

Of course, I am still harnessed to the boom, so I am flailing around in the water trying hard not to, a.) break something or, b.) drown.

I finally untangled myself, got back on the board and gave it another go - with almost exactly the same, immediate result.

At this point, I decided I would sail home - without the harness. By the time I got home, I felt as if my arms had been pulled off my torso. It probably would have felt better if they had.

I think I'm going to go on the Internet and get some tips.

I must be doing something wrong because those guys on the windsurfing videos make it look effortless.

I'm also going to have to buy some new clothes. All the sleeves on my shirts seem too short now. [[In-content Ad]]