"Would you know my name,

if I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same,

if I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong,

and carry on,

'cause I know I don't belong,

here in heaven..."

- "Tears in Heaven"

by Eric Clapton, Will Jennings

The greatest feelings of loss are often expressed publicly in song. There are few other places where society will discuss or even mention the feelings associated with loss. Tears are just not socially correct in public except at a funeral or during a major tragic event. Even then, there are those who hold back their tears because it isn't "appropriate."

When loss happens, though, there is not much a person can do but cry.

And I bring this up for two reasons.

The first is because of the death of the Lawrence North basketball player March 12. His sudden and unexpected death shocked not only his coach, teammates, family and friends, but also surprised Hoosiers around the state. This was a kid who, by all accounts, was well-liked. He was going to play basketball at Kentucky. His friends and other people were at the basketball game with him when his heart failed and he began to slip away.

Those high school kids will never forget him - John Stewart - or the day they lost him.

Another reason I bring this up is because of the tragic train wreck in Illinois. About 11 people lost their lives when the Amtrak train they were on collided with a semi carrying steel beams.

While it is uncertain exactly how or why the wreck occurred, some news agencies have said the semi driver tried to race the train and get across. The driver contends he didn't see the train. However it happened, 11 people died senselessly.

And those 11 people left loved ones behind, just like Stewart left family and friends behind.

The feeling of loss associated with the death of someone you love doesn't go away. It becomes a part of your being, just like a finger is part of your hand. You may not think about the person 24 hours a day, seven days a week, but when you do, you mourn again.

You ask yourself if heaven and hell exist and if they do, does this person see me now from heaven? What are they doing right now? Will I ever see them again?

And then, if you let it get to you even further, you simply ask why? Why did they die? Why did they leave?

If you don't let it out, if you don't cry, or if you don't talk to someone, it engulfs you more than it should. It begins to seem like everything revolves around the loss of that one person.

And then it gets to a point where you can't function properly.

You become isolated and depressed. You don't even try to get too close to anyone because if you do, you become afraid they may die on you, too. Sometimes you may become violent or anti-social in order to push people away from you.

The fact a person you care about may die is always in the forefront of your mind.

Your life becomes morbid. All you can focus on is what life would be like after you are gone. It's like the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" with Jimmy Stewart. What if ... what if ... what if... .

If you do get close to someone, you don't want to let them go. If you look away for a brief moment, they may be gone. The person, however, may begin to feel like they're suffocating and may push you away.

And then you're back where you started ... alone, isolated and in need of comfort.

But there's no one there, or at least you feel that way. And everything you see, everything you feel and everything you do becomes pointless and worthless.

People who do care about you become concerned. They ask you what's wrong, how can they help. You push them away, afraid of losing someone you may get close to.

But you can't continue to live that way. A path like that will only lead to self-destruction. You must and should find someone to talk to, to let it out.

If you can't find a friend or family member, talk to a professional. There also are places on the Internet where people get together to talk about loss.

If nothing else, do what I sometimes do when I need to express my own personal grief. Go to the cemetery where the person you lost is buried and talk to them. They won't talk back, but you can yell and scream and tell them everything. There's nothing you can't let loose.

By talking to the dead person, you may become more comfortable with the fact they are forever out of your life. It eases your mind and will help you be more open to the living people who do care for you and do love you.

Others suffered, too, when the person you cared about died. They are as eager to talk about the dead person as you are. Maybe they were waiting for someone to reach out to them to talk about the death, but thought they were the only ones who felt the loss.

Make the effort to reach out to them. In the effort to help another, you will find you are also healing yourself. It won't be easy - loss never is. But a person cannot bury pain so deep for so long without exploding sooner or later.

Losing someone hurts. Not talking about loss will only hurt you further.

Loss is a part of life, but so is the healing process. [[In-content Ad]]