Domestic Violence Follows Common Pattern

July 28, 2016 at 4:25 p.m.

By Laurie Hahn, Times-Union Staff Writer-

Almost all violent relationships go through the same cycle of violence:

• Tension building stage - Victims describe this state as "walking on eggshells." They know something is going to "blow" but do not know when or why.

• Explosion - When the violence actually happens. There is nothing the victim can do to prevent it, and the victim did not cause it, though the abuser may try to make the victim believe it is her fault.

• Honeymoon - There are five main strategies abusers use to get back into good graces with their victims:

- Honeymoon syndrome - "I'm sorry, I love you, it'll never happen again." Also includes the use of bribes, such as flowers, new house or furniture, etc.

- Super parent syndrome - "I'll be a great parent if you'll come back." This is especially effective if the abuser has ignored or mistreated the children in the past.

- Revival syndrome - "I'm going to church every Sunday."

- Sobriety syndrome - "I've stopped drinking, it was the alcohol that was making me mean."

- Counseling syndrome - "I've gone to counseling, I'm OK now." Actually, long-term counseling is needed, and fewer than 1 percent of batterers voluntarily go into counseling.

After the honeymoon period, the tension-building stage begins again, and the cycle continues. [[In-content Ad]]

Almost all violent relationships go through the same cycle of violence:

• Tension building stage - Victims describe this state as "walking on eggshells." They know something is going to "blow" but do not know when or why.

• Explosion - When the violence actually happens. There is nothing the victim can do to prevent it, and the victim did not cause it, though the abuser may try to make the victim believe it is her fault.

• Honeymoon - There are five main strategies abusers use to get back into good graces with their victims:

- Honeymoon syndrome - "I'm sorry, I love you, it'll never happen again." Also includes the use of bribes, such as flowers, new house or furniture, etc.

- Super parent syndrome - "I'll be a great parent if you'll come back." This is especially effective if the abuser has ignored or mistreated the children in the past.

- Revival syndrome - "I'm going to church every Sunday."

- Sobriety syndrome - "I've stopped drinking, it was the alcohol that was making me mean."

- Counseling syndrome - "I've gone to counseling, I'm OK now." Actually, long-term counseling is needed, and fewer than 1 percent of batterers voluntarily go into counseling.

After the honeymoon period, the tension-building stage begins again, and the cycle continues. [[In-content Ad]]

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