Domestic Abuse Victim Speaks Out
July 28, 2016 at 4:25 p.m.
By Jennifer [email protected]
Tina thought she had met the man of her dreams when she married her husband 15 years ago.
Instead, she met a man who controlled and manipulated her emotionally and physically.
Tina, now 46, Warsaw, met her husband at a Warsaw tavern. She was working two jobs at the time and they dated for a year.
They married in 1993 when she was three months pregnant at age 31 with their son.
She said before they married and she was living alone, her future husband would come to her home and try to control her free time. He would leave flowers and notes that said he loved her.
She thought it was strange how needy he seemed before their marriage, but she loved him and married him.
After they married, she moved from her trailer to live with her husband in his home.
She described their relationship to be fun and care-free at first, but changed to abuse during the last 10 years.
"He seemed to be stable and a good provider and didn't miss a day of work and that attracted me to him," Tina said.
After they married and began raising their son, she said, his true colors began to show.
"He didn't want to be a parent. He would not spend time with our son or back me up when I needed to discipline our son," Tina said.
He verbally abused Tina and put her down. She said one time he bit her. He began wanting to have intercourse all the time and expected her to give into his demands, but she felt uncomfortable.
She contacted the Victims Service Center at Warsaw Police Department where she was referred to stay at a local shelter.
She first left her home with her son in March 19, 2007, when she stayed at the local shelter for 14 days. She returned home with her son, and her son began being verbally abusive to her as her husband had.
"My son began to mistreat me like my husband had, and learned to mistreat women from my husband," she said.
She said her husband never backed her as a parent and she felt like she was a single parent alone.
"I wanted my son to be safe from his father, and he learned to not have respect for women from his father," Tina said.
She went to the shelter for the second time in April 2008 to get away from her son and stayed there 11 days.
"My main goal was to get my son away from by abusive husband so he wouldn't continue to be subject to learning bad habits," Tina said.
After she returned home the second time, her son was put into a children's home in Fort Wayne where he still lives.
The emotional abuse got worse when their son was put into the children's home.
She remembers sitting around a campfire with her parents, and her husband called her wondering when she was coming home. She told him she was enjoying a campfire, but he showed up and started yelling at her.
Her husband began to keep her family and friends from her.
"That's how obsessive he was. He kept everyone at a distance from me," Tina said.
While she continued to live with her husband, she tried to make plans for herself that did not involve him and that made him mad.
When she was at home she would keep busy cleaning or pretend to be sick so he would leave her alone.
She would go out drinking to escape him. Her husband eventually caught on that she was going out drinking, so she asked if she could stay at home to drink. He complied and she was surprised.
At first she began buying her own wine, but after her husband noticed she was more easily to comply with his wishes when she was drinking he began buying her wine.
"He didn't care about endangering my health through my drinking, but instead only his selfish needs," Tina said.
He showered her with gifts, but he never told her she was a good wife or mom.
"It scared me to leave each time because I was afraid I would not be able to pay for my bills," Tina said.
She had a protective order against her husband. But after she moved out and said she wanted a divorce, she went back to their home to get maintenance supplies and had contact with her husband so the protective order was dropped.
After she moved out, her husband left voice messages on her phone about how he missed her and wanted her to come back. While she stayed at the local shelter, he left flowers and notes for her.
In February 2009, she wrote her husband a letter that stated to leave her alone, and if he didn't she would call the police. She changed her phone number.
Tina now lives alone and is able to see her son for visits on weekends when he comes home. Tina and her husband are in the process of getting a divorce. She receives counseling and has turned to church friends for support.
Tina encourages anyone who is a victim of domestic violence to contact the Victims Service Center by calling 574-372-9539.[[In-content Ad]]
Tina thought she had met the man of her dreams when she married her husband 15 years ago.
Instead, she met a man who controlled and manipulated her emotionally and physically.
Tina, now 46, Warsaw, met her husband at a Warsaw tavern. She was working two jobs at the time and they dated for a year.
They married in 1993 when she was three months pregnant at age 31 with their son.
She said before they married and she was living alone, her future husband would come to her home and try to control her free time. He would leave flowers and notes that said he loved her.
She thought it was strange how needy he seemed before their marriage, but she loved him and married him.
After they married, she moved from her trailer to live with her husband in his home.
She described their relationship to be fun and care-free at first, but changed to abuse during the last 10 years.
"He seemed to be stable and a good provider and didn't miss a day of work and that attracted me to him," Tina said.
After they married and began raising their son, she said, his true colors began to show.
"He didn't want to be a parent. He would not spend time with our son or back me up when I needed to discipline our son," Tina said.
He verbally abused Tina and put her down. She said one time he bit her. He began wanting to have intercourse all the time and expected her to give into his demands, but she felt uncomfortable.
She contacted the Victims Service Center at Warsaw Police Department where she was referred to stay at a local shelter.
She first left her home with her son in March 19, 2007, when she stayed at the local shelter for 14 days. She returned home with her son, and her son began being verbally abusive to her as her husband had.
"My son began to mistreat me like my husband had, and learned to mistreat women from my husband," she said.
She said her husband never backed her as a parent and she felt like she was a single parent alone.
"I wanted my son to be safe from his father, and he learned to not have respect for women from his father," Tina said.
She went to the shelter for the second time in April 2008 to get away from her son and stayed there 11 days.
"My main goal was to get my son away from by abusive husband so he wouldn't continue to be subject to learning bad habits," Tina said.
After she returned home the second time, her son was put into a children's home in Fort Wayne where he still lives.
The emotional abuse got worse when their son was put into the children's home.
She remembers sitting around a campfire with her parents, and her husband called her wondering when she was coming home. She told him she was enjoying a campfire, but he showed up and started yelling at her.
Her husband began to keep her family and friends from her.
"That's how obsessive he was. He kept everyone at a distance from me," Tina said.
While she continued to live with her husband, she tried to make plans for herself that did not involve him and that made him mad.
When she was at home she would keep busy cleaning or pretend to be sick so he would leave her alone.
She would go out drinking to escape him. Her husband eventually caught on that she was going out drinking, so she asked if she could stay at home to drink. He complied and she was surprised.
At first she began buying her own wine, but after her husband noticed she was more easily to comply with his wishes when she was drinking he began buying her wine.
"He didn't care about endangering my health through my drinking, but instead only his selfish needs," Tina said.
He showered her with gifts, but he never told her she was a good wife or mom.
"It scared me to leave each time because I was afraid I would not be able to pay for my bills," Tina said.
She had a protective order against her husband. But after she moved out and said she wanted a divorce, she went back to their home to get maintenance supplies and had contact with her husband so the protective order was dropped.
After she moved out, her husband left voice messages on her phone about how he missed her and wanted her to come back. While she stayed at the local shelter, he left flowers and notes for her.
In February 2009, she wrote her husband a letter that stated to leave her alone, and if he didn't she would call the police. She changed her phone number.
Tina now lives alone and is able to see her son for visits on weekends when he comes home. Tina and her husband are in the process of getting a divorce. She receives counseling and has turned to church friends for support.
Tina encourages anyone who is a victim of domestic violence to contact the Victims Service Center by calling 574-372-9539.[[In-content Ad]]
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