Abuse Victims Need To Make Life Changes
July 28, 2016 at 4:25 p.m.
Editor's Note: This is the second in a three-part series on domestic violence.
"If we always do what we've always done, we'll always get what we've always gotten," said Sgt. Anne O'Dell of the San Diego Police Department, during a domestic violence seminar earlier this month.
Before changes can be made, it is important to be able to recognize potential perpetrators, she said.
How do you know if the person you are dating or married to is a potential batterer?
O'Dell pointed out several key signs to look for when determining if someone has a "battering personality." The information was organized by the "Project for Victims of Family Violence" in Fayetteville, Ariz.
"A potential abuser will almost always say that jealousy is a 'sign of love,'" she said. The truth is that jealousy has very little to do with love and a lot to do with possessiveness and lack of trust.
As jealousy grows stronger, the possible batterer may call frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly to "check up" on their spouse, O'Dell said.
One important thing to consider is that many battered women dated or knew the perpetrator for less than six months before getting married, engaged or moving in together, she said. The perpetrator will often pressure the woman to commit so that she will feel guilty about wanting to leave or slow down the relationship.
Any type of visible violence is a sign of a potential batterer, whether that violence is toward women, men, children or even pets, she said.
It is important to note that, according to O'Dell, 60 percent of men who beat the women they are with also beat their children.
If you, or someone you know, is in a domestic violence situation or a potentially violent situation, she said, there are ways to assess whether the perpetrator is capable of killing.
O'Dell and the San Diego Police Department created a list, adapted from Barbara Hart's "Beyond the Duty to Warn," of things to look for when assessing a batterer's potential to kill or use life-endangering violence.
The questions (see sidebar) are typically used for police on the scene of domestic violence cases. O'Dell cautioned that one of these factors alone may not indicate a strong potential for lethality, but having three or more does indicate potential.
If you find yourself in a potentially violent relationship, the Warsaw Police Department has several tips to follow to help keep you safe.
During an argument you should try to stay in a room with access to an exit and where there are no weapons of any kind available.
Know at least one escape route from your home to a friend's or neighbor's home. Devise a code word that you can use to let friends, family, children and neighbors know when you need the police.
Have a bag packed and keep it hidden but accessible in case you need to leave quickly. Also, know where you will stay if you do decide to leave.
Once you decide to leave, open a savings account. You should also leave some money and other important items with a trusted friend or family member. Keeping change or a calling card with you is also a good idea.
Reviewing your safety plan as often as possible is crucial - remember that leaving an abuser is dangerous.
If the batterer leaves, WPD has these safety tips: change the locks on the doors as soon as possible, secure all windows, and inform neighbors that your partner no longer lives there so they should call the police if they see them near your home.
One option available to victims of domestic violence is a protective order, which, according to the Kosciusko County Victim's Assistance Office, can be obtained from a judge. The order is good for one year, unless terminated by the court, and it can be renewed after one year if necessary.
Once obtained, the protective order prohibits the abuser from physically harming you, threatening to hurt you or your property, damaging your property, harassing you, disturbing your peace or causing anyone to do any of the above.
If the abuser violates the protective order in any way, they should be turned in to the police immediately. If there is not enough probable cause to make an arrest, it may be possible to file an invasion of privacy charge against the abuser through the prosecutor's office.
To be eligible for a protective order, a person or member of the household must have suffered physical injury, been threatened with physical injury, had property damaged or threatened to be damaged, or had continued harassment.
A protective order packet is available at the Kosciusko County clerk's office in the Justice Building. Once the paperwork is filled out and a $35 court fee is paid, a hearing will be set.
The Kosciusko County sheriff will deliver the court order to the abuser, ordering him to appear in court.
You will receive a temporary order, which lasts until the hearing, 30 days after the filing.
The third part of this series will cover what happens after the violence, what can be done legally and what therapy is available for the victim as well as the perpetrator. [[In-content Ad]]
Editor's Note: This is the second in a three-part series on domestic violence.
"If we always do what we've always done, we'll always get what we've always gotten," said Sgt. Anne O'Dell of the San Diego Police Department, during a domestic violence seminar earlier this month.
Before changes can be made, it is important to be able to recognize potential perpetrators, she said.
How do you know if the person you are dating or married to is a potential batterer?
O'Dell pointed out several key signs to look for when determining if someone has a "battering personality." The information was organized by the "Project for Victims of Family Violence" in Fayetteville, Ariz.
"A potential abuser will almost always say that jealousy is a 'sign of love,'" she said. The truth is that jealousy has very little to do with love and a lot to do with possessiveness and lack of trust.
As jealousy grows stronger, the possible batterer may call frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly to "check up" on their spouse, O'Dell said.
One important thing to consider is that many battered women dated or knew the perpetrator for less than six months before getting married, engaged or moving in together, she said. The perpetrator will often pressure the woman to commit so that she will feel guilty about wanting to leave or slow down the relationship.
Any type of visible violence is a sign of a potential batterer, whether that violence is toward women, men, children or even pets, she said.
It is important to note that, according to O'Dell, 60 percent of men who beat the women they are with also beat their children.
If you, or someone you know, is in a domestic violence situation or a potentially violent situation, she said, there are ways to assess whether the perpetrator is capable of killing.
O'Dell and the San Diego Police Department created a list, adapted from Barbara Hart's "Beyond the Duty to Warn," of things to look for when assessing a batterer's potential to kill or use life-endangering violence.
The questions (see sidebar) are typically used for police on the scene of domestic violence cases. O'Dell cautioned that one of these factors alone may not indicate a strong potential for lethality, but having three or more does indicate potential.
If you find yourself in a potentially violent relationship, the Warsaw Police Department has several tips to follow to help keep you safe.
During an argument you should try to stay in a room with access to an exit and where there are no weapons of any kind available.
Know at least one escape route from your home to a friend's or neighbor's home. Devise a code word that you can use to let friends, family, children and neighbors know when you need the police.
Have a bag packed and keep it hidden but accessible in case you need to leave quickly. Also, know where you will stay if you do decide to leave.
Once you decide to leave, open a savings account. You should also leave some money and other important items with a trusted friend or family member. Keeping change or a calling card with you is also a good idea.
Reviewing your safety plan as often as possible is crucial - remember that leaving an abuser is dangerous.
If the batterer leaves, WPD has these safety tips: change the locks on the doors as soon as possible, secure all windows, and inform neighbors that your partner no longer lives there so they should call the police if they see them near your home.
One option available to victims of domestic violence is a protective order, which, according to the Kosciusko County Victim's Assistance Office, can be obtained from a judge. The order is good for one year, unless terminated by the court, and it can be renewed after one year if necessary.
Once obtained, the protective order prohibits the abuser from physically harming you, threatening to hurt you or your property, damaging your property, harassing you, disturbing your peace or causing anyone to do any of the above.
If the abuser violates the protective order in any way, they should be turned in to the police immediately. If there is not enough probable cause to make an arrest, it may be possible to file an invasion of privacy charge against the abuser through the prosecutor's office.
To be eligible for a protective order, a person or member of the household must have suffered physical injury, been threatened with physical injury, had property damaged or threatened to be damaged, or had continued harassment.
A protective order packet is available at the Kosciusko County clerk's office in the Justice Building. Once the paperwork is filled out and a $35 court fee is paid, a hearing will be set.
The Kosciusko County sheriff will deliver the court order to the abuser, ordering him to appear in court.
You will receive a temporary order, which lasts until the hearing, 30 days after the filing.
The third part of this series will cover what happens after the violence, what can be done legally and what therapy is available for the victim as well as the perpetrator. [[In-content Ad]]