For His Birthday
May 11, 2025 at 3:09 p.m.
Editor, Times-Union:
Donald Trump wants a “big, beautiful” military parade with an estimated cost of around $92 million of taxpayers’ money — the guy who was a Vietnam War draft dodger —the guy who claims our soldiers are suckers and losers — the guy who is cutting VA benefits, services and employees — the guy who aspires to be a king or even a pope rather than just a president — the guy who is a convicted felon, an adjudicated sexual assaulter, and a twice-impeached president. Yeah, that guy. He wants a full-blown military parade to honor himself on his birthday (and maybe the 250th birthday of the U.S. Army and Flag Day a little bit).
I have a better idea. He can have his parade, but these are the attractions that should be in that parade instead: First in line, after two or three mascot elephants, should be the clown section — his entire group of inept, ring-kissing, unqualified, bumbling cabinet members as well as all of his appointees and hand-picked media reps. They could toss classified documents out to the crowd or shout out military plans via “magaphones” — ’cause why not? They could all be led by Kristi Noem who certainly must have a majorette outfit in that collection of government-paid-for costumes she sports in her promo ads.
Next would come the band section — Republican Senate and House members in their matching dark suits, long red ties, and red MAGA hats, goose stepping in perfect rhythm and loudly playing “YMCA” on their cell phones. Oh, and wouldn’t it be fun if this group tossed Trump’s gold meme coins out to the crowd?
The third, fourth, and fifth groups would be the Proud Boys, the Three Percenters, and the Oath Keepers. They all have identifiable “uniforms,” and they all know the appropriate “salute” to use when passing their honored leader. To make it all look more military-ish they might be allowed to carry their weapons of choice just to complete the strong warrior theme (and maybe for crowd control just in case).
These groups could be followed by a definite display of dictatorial strength and power: a representative group of shackled undocumented aliens, joined together by chains and pulling a float carrying the almighty Border Czar, Tom Homan.
Bringing up the rear of this parade, led by Elon and little X tossing NFT trading cards from a Tesla Cybertruck, would be a motorcade of the sponsors who made it all possible —the millionaire/billionaire creators of Project 2025. Wouldn’t it be just terrific if they could throw $100 bills out to the spectators instead of candy?
Finally, the participants who would make this parade the absolute bigliest, and most fantastic parade in recorded history, are the millions of voters who put DJT on his throne. I am sure they would be thrilled to dutifully “march” in a colorful, free-style formation while carrying their favorite flags and chanting, “Four more years!!”
Full Live coverage on Fox News, of course ...
Jeanne Tuka Schutz
Winona Lake, via email
Editor, Times-Union:
Donald Trump wants a “big, beautiful” military parade with an estimated cost of around $92 million of taxpayers’ money — the guy who was a Vietnam War draft dodger —the guy who claims our soldiers are suckers and losers — the guy who is cutting VA benefits, services and employees — the guy who aspires to be a king or even a pope rather than just a president — the guy who is a convicted felon, an adjudicated sexual assaulter, and a twice-impeached president. Yeah, that guy. He wants a full-blown military parade to honor himself on his birthday (and maybe the 250th birthday of the U.S. Army and Flag Day a little bit).
I have a better idea. He can have his parade, but these are the attractions that should be in that parade instead: First in line, after two or three mascot elephants, should be the clown section — his entire group of inept, ring-kissing, unqualified, bumbling cabinet members as well as all of his appointees and hand-picked media reps. They could toss classified documents out to the crowd or shout out military plans via “magaphones” — ’cause why not? They could all be led by Kristi Noem who certainly must have a majorette outfit in that collection of government-paid-for costumes she sports in her promo ads.
Next would come the band section — Republican Senate and House members in their matching dark suits, long red ties, and red MAGA hats, goose stepping in perfect rhythm and loudly playing “YMCA” on their cell phones. Oh, and wouldn’t it be fun if this group tossed Trump’s gold meme coins out to the crowd?
The third, fourth, and fifth groups would be the Proud Boys, the Three Percenters, and the Oath Keepers. They all have identifiable “uniforms,” and they all know the appropriate “salute” to use when passing their honored leader. To make it all look more military-ish they might be allowed to carry their weapons of choice just to complete the strong warrior theme (and maybe for crowd control just in case).
These groups could be followed by a definite display of dictatorial strength and power: a representative group of shackled undocumented aliens, joined together by chains and pulling a float carrying the almighty Border Czar, Tom Homan.
Bringing up the rear of this parade, led by Elon and little X tossing NFT trading cards from a Tesla Cybertruck, would be a motorcade of the sponsors who made it all possible —the millionaire/billionaire creators of Project 2025. Wouldn’t it be just terrific if they could throw $100 bills out to the spectators instead of candy?
Finally, the participants who would make this parade the absolute bigliest, and most fantastic parade in recorded history, are the millions of voters who put DJT on his throne. I am sure they would be thrilled to dutifully “march” in a colorful, free-style formation while carrying their favorite flags and chanting, “Four more years!!”
Full Live coverage on Fox News, of course ...
Jeanne Tuka Schutz
Winona Lake, via email