The Penalty Box: If I Were King Of Sports — Fall 2022 Edition

October 18, 2022 at 11:06 p.m.
The Penalty Box: If I Were King Of Sports — Fall 2022 Edition
The Penalty Box: If I Were King Of Sports — Fall 2022 Edition

By Roger Grossman-

I was watching sports over the weekend (imagine that) and some things came to mind that, if I were universally in charge of all sports, I would change.

This is not a new concept. I have presented this concept before—a couple of times a year, actually.

This one might look a little different, simply because a lot of the changes that came to mind were from the high school sports that I saw.

Let’s delve into this.

The more I watch high school football, the more strongly I feel that all penalties should be marched off from the line of scrimmage.

I understand the purpose of the “spot of the foul” designation. If a team legally gains 12 yards on a running play, then commits a holding penalty 11-yards from the line of scrimmage, then the 10-yard penalty is marked off from the where the actual holding infraction took place.

That’s dumb.

If you go the bank to withdraw $100, and while you are in the bank you slip the teller a note saying you are robbing the bank, you don’t get to keep any of the money you legally took out.

Same thing should apply to football penalties.

It also would be helpful to the offensive team sometimes. If one of the offensive linemen gets a holding penalty 5 yards behind the line of scrimmage, they mark off 10 yards from where the flag is. It is, essentially, a 15-yard penalty.

Also dumb.  

College football is way past time for a need to stop the game clock every time a team gets a first down.

Part of why games take longer than three-and-a-half hours to play is because 30-40 times a game the clock stops for 20 seconds while the chain gang moves.

If it takes that long to move the chains, try getting some younger people to work on the chain gang.

I know the automatic runner on second base in extra innings in regular season baseball drove some people crazy. I will tell you that I like it.

I will also tell you that I think there should be a modified version of that in the postseason.

Maybe you start it in the top of the 12th inning, or possibly the 13th.

But you cannot let what happened over the weekend happen again. The Mariners and Astros played into the 18th inning until someone scored.

On a Saturday when college football has some big-time games going on and people have their own things going on, how many people not cheering for Houston or Seattle stayed for all 6 hours and 22 minutes?

Not many.

I would also like to see TV time outs lengthened and then have their number reduced. Example: in the NFL and college they have four breaks a quarter that are two minutes long. What if we had three breaks a quarter that were three minutes long?

Less stopping, more time for us all to go to the bathroom during time outs.

Who’s arguing with me on that?

That’s it for sports, but there are a few other things I would like to fix, while we’re at it.

I think the meat used to make a burger needs a new name. Hamburger is false advertising. Ham and Hamburger come from two different animals. Let’s get that changed.

I think you should have to have a .500 record or better the previous season to be eligible for a prime time football assignment the following season (thru week 8, so we can see who is good and who isn’t).

I think concession stands should sell a popcorn-nacho combo. Instead of chips, you have popcorn to dip into the cheese.

Why isn’t there grape ice cream. I love grapes. I love ice cream. Someone, make this happen.

I cannot wait to skate at the new pavilion on Winona Lake. Still looking to buy skates. Planning to be a regular down there.

I think there should be a financial penalty—a serious one (well, sort of serious)—for businesses that put decorations for holidays on sale too soon. You shouldn’t be able to sell Christmas stuff until at least November 1.

That’s it for now…I feel a nap coming on.

I was watching sports over the weekend (imagine that) and some things came to mind that, if I were universally in charge of all sports, I would change.

This is not a new concept. I have presented this concept before—a couple of times a year, actually.

This one might look a little different, simply because a lot of the changes that came to mind were from the high school sports that I saw.

Let’s delve into this.

The more I watch high school football, the more strongly I feel that all penalties should be marched off from the line of scrimmage.

I understand the purpose of the “spot of the foul” designation. If a team legally gains 12 yards on a running play, then commits a holding penalty 11-yards from the line of scrimmage, then the 10-yard penalty is marked off from the where the actual holding infraction took place.

That’s dumb.

If you go the bank to withdraw $100, and while you are in the bank you slip the teller a note saying you are robbing the bank, you don’t get to keep any of the money you legally took out.

Same thing should apply to football penalties.

It also would be helpful to the offensive team sometimes. If one of the offensive linemen gets a holding penalty 5 yards behind the line of scrimmage, they mark off 10 yards from where the flag is. It is, essentially, a 15-yard penalty.

Also dumb.  

College football is way past time for a need to stop the game clock every time a team gets a first down.

Part of why games take longer than three-and-a-half hours to play is because 30-40 times a game the clock stops for 20 seconds while the chain gang moves.

If it takes that long to move the chains, try getting some younger people to work on the chain gang.

I know the automatic runner on second base in extra innings in regular season baseball drove some people crazy. I will tell you that I like it.

I will also tell you that I think there should be a modified version of that in the postseason.

Maybe you start it in the top of the 12th inning, or possibly the 13th.

But you cannot let what happened over the weekend happen again. The Mariners and Astros played into the 18th inning until someone scored.

On a Saturday when college football has some big-time games going on and people have their own things going on, how many people not cheering for Houston or Seattle stayed for all 6 hours and 22 minutes?

Not many.

I would also like to see TV time outs lengthened and then have their number reduced. Example: in the NFL and college they have four breaks a quarter that are two minutes long. What if we had three breaks a quarter that were three minutes long?

Less stopping, more time for us all to go to the bathroom during time outs.

Who’s arguing with me on that?

That’s it for sports, but there are a few other things I would like to fix, while we’re at it.

I think the meat used to make a burger needs a new name. Hamburger is false advertising. Ham and Hamburger come from two different animals. Let’s get that changed.

I think you should have to have a .500 record or better the previous season to be eligible for a prime time football assignment the following season (thru week 8, so we can see who is good and who isn’t).

I think concession stands should sell a popcorn-nacho combo. Instead of chips, you have popcorn to dip into the cheese.

Why isn’t there grape ice cream. I love grapes. I love ice cream. Someone, make this happen.

I cannot wait to skate at the new pavilion on Winona Lake. Still looking to buy skates. Planning to be a regular down there.

I think there should be a financial penalty—a serious one (well, sort of serious)—for businesses that put decorations for holidays on sale too soon. You shouldn’t be able to sell Christmas stuff until at least November 1.

That’s it for now…I feel a nap coming on.
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