Some weeks, being a Football Guy isn’t as glamorous and fun as it may look on paper.

Some weeks, football will rip your heart out of your chest and eat it as a meal right in front of you.

This past week, football did just that to yours truly.

The column’s record was bad. Bad enough that if you really want to know how I finished, I’ll let you look at last week’s column and come to the conclusion yourself. I can live with a bad week of picks though; I’ve grown quite accustomed to doing that this season. What made matters worse was the fact that a few of my fantasy football teams were fighting for playoff berths and underperformed, costing me a spot in the postseason and causing me to say goodbye to the glory and cash that comes with coming out on top.

Overall, it wasn’t the best week I’ve had this year, but that’s okay. Forgive me for the cliché festival I’m about to put on, but football can be a lot like life. Last week, I crushed the board at a 10-5 mark to go above .500 for the first time, I’m winning all of the matchups I need to in the fantasy realm and I feel like the king of the sport. This week I’m on the outside looking in, watching as the football gods choose somebody else to have a great time.

Life can be a similar beast. The ups and downs come at you so fast it almost feels as if the wave you’re riding isn’t fluctuating at all. Yet, we keep riding it. It’s important to do so. As I mentioned last week, the victories feel better after going through some adversity to achieve them. I’m at the bottom yet again, but I will rise back up. It starts with my picks this week and with the leagues I did make the playoffs in. Mark my words, football and I will be on the same page again soon.

That’s a Football Guy guarantee.

I spent 99% of my Saturday on my couch watching sports. A few things stood out to me.

I’ll start with the UFC. I watched every fight of the card, from the first early prelim to the main event of the pay-per-view. Most of the fights were a treat and ended with a brutal knockout or submission, but the final two fights, the only two that resulted in a decision, had me ending my night feeling confused. Fan favorite Paddy “The Baddy” Pimblett clearly lost his fight against Jared Gordon, yet was awarded a unanimous decision victory. Not long after, the main event bout for the vacant light heavyweight championship left the belt still vacant after Magomed Ankalaev and Jan Blachowicz fought to a draw. I could see that result a little more than I could the robbery of Gordon 45 minutes before, but it was an extremely unsatisfying way to end the final pay-per-view card of the year for the UFC.

Also going on for most of the day was the Elite Eight for the NCAA Women’s Volleyball Tournament. I was lucky enough to catch all four games and what a delight they were. Two of the four No. 1 seeds advanced, but Wisconsin and Stanford were upset by Pitt and San Diego, leading to some pretty memorable scenes. The Final Four begins Thursday night.

The World Cup remains the most exciting tournament in sports. Big congratulations to Morocco for becoming the first African nation to reach the semifinals. By the time this is published, we’ll know who will be playing for the trophy on Sunday morning. Will Lionel Messi finally get the one trophy that’s eluded him? Will Morocco find a way to keep the dream alive? Is this Croatia’s year after losing in the final four years ago? Can France finish off a repeat? I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

Last, and most certainly least, my Missouri Tigers are no longer undefeated after getting stomped by Kansas at home in a renewal of the Border War Rivalry. I knew hoping for a win was a big ask, but I at least hoped the game would be competitive. It was not. If you wondered what being a Mizzou fan is like, just reread that last sentence a couple of times over.

Some of the world’s greatest minds have said that a broken clock is right twice a day. I’m still looking for my second good week with just four remaining to earn the right to compare myself to that broken clock. Winning ain’t easy. Let’s try again.

THURSDAY NIGHT

San Francisco 49ers (-3.5) at Seattle Seahawks

It could be because it is a Thursday night game, but I’m surprised to see the spread isn’t larger here. The teams are trending in different directions, with the Niners having been one of the best teams in football over the past few weeks while the Seahawks have been stumbling towards the finish line. Give me Brock Purdy and San Francisco.

The Pick: 49ers -3.5

SATURDAY SHOWDOWNS

Indianapolis Colts at Minnesota Vikings (-4)

The first of three Saturday games begins at 1 p.m. It should be an odd one. The Colts looked solid for three quarters against the Cowboys two weeks ago, but got outscored 33-0 in the fourth quarter. The Vikings are 10-3 with a negative point differential. I would think the Vikings are good enough to break this game open, but whenever you think the Vikings are going left, they veer to the right. I’m going to buy in for one more week. Indianapolis has been a disaster.

The Pick: Vikings -4

Baltimore Ravens at Cleveland Browns (-3)

The Ravens got a win over the Steelers without Lamar Jackson last week while the Browns continued to struggle while Deshaun Watson figures it out. Lamar might not be back this week, but he’s got a better chance of playing than he did last week. Regardless, the Ravens defense is so good. That unit will be the difference in this one.

The Pick: Ravens +3

Miami Dolphins at Buffalo Bills (-7.5)

The Dolphins have put up two bad performances in a row, putting a team that looked to be a potential AFC favorite in some trouble. It hasn’t been pretty at times, but the Bills have won their last four games and are playing for the No. 1 seed in the conference. It’s going to be cold up in Buffalo, something the Dolphin offense has struggled dealing with this year. I think Buffalo wins, and gets revenge for dropping the first meeting of the season between these two sides.

The Pick: Bills -7.5

1 O’CLOCK SUNDAY

Philadelphia Eagles (-9) at Chicago Bears

Philadelphia is rolling through the regular season, becoming the first team to clinch a playoff berth last week. The Bears are very bad but did have a bye week last week. You’ll think I’m crazy, but with the important Dallas game looming next week for the Birds, I could see Justin Fields and company hanging around. I’m not going to feel as smart when Philly wins by 30, but for now, I see a vision.

The Pick: Bears +9

Detroit Lions (-1) at New York Jets

Don’t look now, but the Detroit Lions are in the hunt for a playoff spot. The Lions have won five of their last six with the one loss coming against the Bills on a field goal as time expired. The Jets have looked okay with Mike White, but the offense hasn’t done much of anything since losing rookie running back Breece Hall to injury a couple of months ago. The defense is still very good though, but I don’t think New York can score enough to hold Detroit down.

The Pick: Lions -1

Kansas City Chiefs (-14) at Houston Texans

The Chiefs were up 27-0 on the Broncos in the first half before failing to cover a 9.5 point spread last weekend, while the Texans almost shocked the NFL world by beating the Cowboys as 17 point underdogs. While Dallas barely escaped, it was the best Houston has looked all season. Running back Damien Pierce doesn’t look to be available for Houston, and I trust the Chiefs offense a lot more than I trust Dallas’. Chiefs cover the two TDs.

The Pick: Chiefs -14

Atlanta Falcons at New Orleans Saints (-4)

What have the Saints done to be four point favorites over anybody? New Orleans did everything it could to lose to Tampa Bay two Mondays ago, which it did. Dennis Allen is using Mark Ingram as his passing back while running Alvin Kamara up the gut for one yard at a time. The team doesn’t even have a first round pick to tank for! Atlanta has fallen substantially over the last few weeks. It could be Spencer Rattler time soon. I am so sick of these NFC South teams being terrible and picking their games incorrectly. I’m busting out the coin.

The Pick: Falcons +4

Pittsburgh Steelers at Carolina Panthers (-2.5)

I had been hot picking Pittsburgh the last couple of weeks before the Steelers lost to Baltimore last weekend. Kenny Pickett suffered his second concussion of the season, so his status for this game is iffy at best. The Panthers have looked like a completely different team since firing Matt Rhule and having Steve Wilks at the helm. This will be a tough game for a Panther team whose playoff hopes are somehow still alive, but I think they take it if Pickett can’t go.

The Pick: Panthers -2.5

Dallas Cowboys (-4.5) at Jacksonville Jaguars

I mentioned how Chicago might be a trap game for Philly earlier, the same goes for this game in Jacksonville for Dallas.  It took the Cowboys all 60 minutes to deal with the lowly Texans last weekend in a disappointing performance as 17 point favorites. If Dallas had smoked Houston last weekend, I could totally see them falling in this spot. However, Trevor Lawrence is finally putting it all together for Jacksonville. I’m going to use the coin once again. I overruled the coin picking Jacksonville over Tennessee last weekend and regretted it. It’s not budging.

The Pick: Jaguars +4.5

LATE AFTERNOON SLATE

Arizona Cardinals at Denver Broncos (-2.5)

This isn’t going to be many people’s most anticipated game of the week. Denver has been eliminated from playoff contention and Arizona isn’t far behind. Cardinals QB Kyler Murray is unfortunately done for the season after suffering a torn ACL and Russell Wilson suffered a scary looking head injury against Kansas City last weekend, but has not yet been ruled out. Denver has had more than a few struggles this season, but the team’s defense should find success against Colt McCoy.

The Pick: Broncos -2.5

New England Patriots at Las Vegas Raiders (-1)

Two teams that aren’t very good battling it out to keep fringe playoff hopes alive. That’s what December football is all about, baby. New England beat Arizona without Kyler Murray last week while Las Vegas crumbled late in a loss to the Rams. Personally, I’ve found both of these teams quite difficult to predict this season due to their hot-and-cold natures. You know what that means. Where’d my coin run off to?

The Pick: Raiders -1

Tennessee Titans at Los Angeles Chargers (-3)

The Titans are fading fast heading into the most important month of the year, and while the team still has a few games of separation in the AFC South, the Jaguars are creeping up fast. The Chargers are fighting for a wild card spot and helped their case with a huge win over Miami on Sunday night. The Charger run defense is still not great and the Titans still have Derrick Henry. If Justin Herbert can keep up his recent play, I don’t think it will matter.

The Pick: Chargers -3

Cincinnati Bengals (-3.5) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

I am so sick of picking the Buccaneers because I think they are good because they have Tom Brady. They are not good. The Bengals are playing their best football at the right time for the second straight year. I’m not even going to waste my time here. I’m done with Tampa Bay.

The Pick: Bengals -3.5

WAITIN’ ALL DAY FOR A SUNDAY NIGHT

New York Giants at Washington Commanders (-4.5)

This is a huge game for the NFC playoff picture. Both teams are 7-5-1 and are fighting for one of the final spots in the playoffs. These two teams tied two weeks ago when they faced off last, with New York most recently getting crushed by the Eagles with Washington on a bye. This should be a close game that comes down to the wire like the last matchup did. Hopefully this time someone is able to come out on top.

The Pick: Giants +4.5

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

Los Angeles Rams at Green Bay Packers (-6.5)

Both of these teams have trouble putting points on the board and both teams had some extra time to prepare for this one. Baker Mayfield is the newest Ram and he led his new team to a comeback victory after being claimed off of waivers just two days prior last Thursday. The Packers have looked terrible against pretty much isn’t team that isn’t the Bears, so this spread is generous at best. Give me Baker the Touchdown Maker getting it done once again.

The Pick: Rams +6.5

I made the mistake of making a few last minute changes to my picks last week. All three that I changed ended up being wrong. Once I put this column on the page this week, that’s it. I’m not going to sabotage myself again.

Rest in Peace Mike Leach.