The Penalty Box
March 16, 2021 at 11:51 p.m.
The Penalty Box
By Roger Grossman-
(part one)
I am going to travel down a road over the next two weeks that is choked with thorny brush and poison ivy.
Sometimes, to get where you need to get to, you have to endure those things.
You need to come with me on this.
I have started and stopped writing this series of columns several time over the last six months, but I cannot put it off any longer. With spring sports starting, including the return of little league and the spring/summer travel sports season, I have some things that I need you to think about before you plop your lawn chair out in the grass.
I need you to be honest with yourself, and I need you to not be afraid to ask someone who will be honest with you to help you…no matter what the cost.
I need you to ask yourself today “Am I a good sports parent?”
I am not asking if you are good parents. I am not asking you if you know a lot about sports.
Ask yourself these questions, and hopefully it will help you.
This is so important, that I am going to spend two weeks on it.
Is your first experience coaching a team sport when you child plays on that team?
A lot of dads (almost exclusively dads, not moms) decide to become coaches of their kids youth sports teams, and that’s the first time they have ever coached in any capacity in their lives. Some dads know the sport and this is the reason to get involved in that way. That’s fine.
But beware of the dad who wants to join the coaching staff with no previous experience, because there is a significantly better chance that he’s there to make sure his child plays the positions and in the amount that he believes they should.
Imagine a professional player’s agent being hired as an assistant coach on their client’s team. His interest would only be in his own client, right?
It’s can be a total conflict of interest.
Many parents stop being parents and act more like agents. Some go so far as to drop not-so-covert hints that they may pull their child from a team if they don’t get what they want. None of their actions are subtle.
When others coach your child, do you attempt to teach them things that contradict what their coaches are teaching?
Almost worse than the dad who becomes a coach to protect his child’s interests, and in extension his own, is the parent who essentially says “I know better than your coach, and this is what you need to be doing instead?”
The team suffers because the coaches are teaching one thing and the parent another.
It also stunts the growth of the child as a player and as a person. Think about it, the kid is forced to choose between listening to their own father or the authority figure put in a position to teach and lead them in this sport. What an incredibly tough place for a kid to be in!
If you sign you child up to play, you are giving permission to let the coaches coach them. If anything, you should ask the coach what things you can be working with Johnny and Jill on at home to make them better in alignment with what the coaches are looking for.
Do you cheer for your child’s team, or just your child?
The second worst form of sportsmanship (behind being unsportsmanlike to the other team) is the offenses committed by parents against their own team members and their families. Ask yourself:
Do you cheer when your team scores, or just your child?
Do you yell encouragements to your child, or to everyone on the team?
Do you make comments out loud about players or the coach?
Be bold and ask the people around you in the bleachers—your friends and parents of other players—to hold you accountable.
Who do you sit by at games?
If you find yourself sitting alone, ask why and brace yourself for the answer. Or, if you choose to not sit with your spouse and the other parents and have to go off by yourself during games, I will be straight with you—you have a problem.
Your intensity doesn’t help anyone, especially your kid.
Other tips:
Leave the refs and umps alone. A lot of them are volunteers or get paid very little at the youth level. And, by the way, most parents who yell at officials at youth sporting events have never done it themselves.
Don’t yell instructions to your kids while they are playing. The voice in the head needs to be the coaches’, not yours.
Stay away from alcohol before and during your kid’s games. No explanation needed.
That’s only four questions and a few tips, but it’s a like to choke down so I am going to stop there for this week.
(part one)
I am going to travel down a road over the next two weeks that is choked with thorny brush and poison ivy.
Sometimes, to get where you need to get to, you have to endure those things.
You need to come with me on this.
I have started and stopped writing this series of columns several time over the last six months, but I cannot put it off any longer. With spring sports starting, including the return of little league and the spring/summer travel sports season, I have some things that I need you to think about before you plop your lawn chair out in the grass.
I need you to be honest with yourself, and I need you to not be afraid to ask someone who will be honest with you to help you…no matter what the cost.
I need you to ask yourself today “Am I a good sports parent?”
I am not asking if you are good parents. I am not asking you if you know a lot about sports.
Ask yourself these questions, and hopefully it will help you.
This is so important, that I am going to spend two weeks on it.
Is your first experience coaching a team sport when you child plays on that team?
A lot of dads (almost exclusively dads, not moms) decide to become coaches of their kids youth sports teams, and that’s the first time they have ever coached in any capacity in their lives. Some dads know the sport and this is the reason to get involved in that way. That’s fine.
But beware of the dad who wants to join the coaching staff with no previous experience, because there is a significantly better chance that he’s there to make sure his child plays the positions and in the amount that he believes they should.
Imagine a professional player’s agent being hired as an assistant coach on their client’s team. His interest would only be in his own client, right?
It’s can be a total conflict of interest.
Many parents stop being parents and act more like agents. Some go so far as to drop not-so-covert hints that they may pull their child from a team if they don’t get what they want. None of their actions are subtle.
When others coach your child, do you attempt to teach them things that contradict what their coaches are teaching?
Almost worse than the dad who becomes a coach to protect his child’s interests, and in extension his own, is the parent who essentially says “I know better than your coach, and this is what you need to be doing instead?”
The team suffers because the coaches are teaching one thing and the parent another.
It also stunts the growth of the child as a player and as a person. Think about it, the kid is forced to choose between listening to their own father or the authority figure put in a position to teach and lead them in this sport. What an incredibly tough place for a kid to be in!
If you sign you child up to play, you are giving permission to let the coaches coach them. If anything, you should ask the coach what things you can be working with Johnny and Jill on at home to make them better in alignment with what the coaches are looking for.
Do you cheer for your child’s team, or just your child?
The second worst form of sportsmanship (behind being unsportsmanlike to the other team) is the offenses committed by parents against their own team members and their families. Ask yourself:
Do you cheer when your team scores, or just your child?
Do you yell encouragements to your child, or to everyone on the team?
Do you make comments out loud about players or the coach?
Be bold and ask the people around you in the bleachers—your friends and parents of other players—to hold you accountable.
Who do you sit by at games?
If you find yourself sitting alone, ask why and brace yourself for the answer. Or, if you choose to not sit with your spouse and the other parents and have to go off by yourself during games, I will be straight with you—you have a problem.
Your intensity doesn’t help anyone, especially your kid.
Other tips:
Leave the refs and umps alone. A lot of them are volunteers or get paid very little at the youth level. And, by the way, most parents who yell at officials at youth sporting events have never done it themselves.
Don’t yell instructions to your kids while they are playing. The voice in the head needs to be the coaches’, not yours.
Stay away from alcohol before and during your kid’s games. No explanation needed.
That’s only four questions and a few tips, but it’s a like to choke down so I am going to stop there for this week.
Have a news tip? Email [email protected] or Call/Text 360-922-3092