The Penalty Box: Santa's List For Sports
December 20, 2020 at 10:46 p.m.
The Penalty Box: Santa's List For Sports
By Roger Grossman-
It used to happen every year, but not as much lately.
The sound of skidding hooves and metal in the snowy grass of my back yard followed by the woofing of my dog. I told the dog to go back to sleep. I said “I know what’s going on…I’ll take care of it.”
I slid the back door open, and there they were—Santa and his crew.
“What’s up old man?” I said to the jolly guy in the seat of the fancy ride.
He smiled and responded “Did you miss me? Being stuck in the North Pole really stinks.”
I stayed about 8 feet from him, and I grabbed a mask from my pocket and put it on. Do you think I want to be known as the guy who gave Santa Claus COVID the week before Christmas? No chance!
He was back in my neighborhood looking for advice on who had been naughty and who had been nice in the world of sports, and asking for gift ideas for them.
As always, I was honored to oblige.
He asked me about Colts quarterback Phillip Rivers first.
I told him that Rivers had been nothing but good and had been nothing but a good guy since he and his large family arrived in the Hoosier State. I reminded him how hard it is to cheer for someone who I had cheered against for so many years before. But he’s been good for the Colts and a good citizen.
I suggested Santa get him a small mini-bus to take his wife and 9 kids to the stadium on Sunday…and to the grocery store and wherever else they need to go together.
He inquired about the commissioners of professional sports leagues.
I praised him for thinking of them. What a tough time it’s been for these people over the last 10 months. Trying to do the right thing, trying to keep their players, coaches and officials safe, trying to offer a product to us consumers who so desperately needed it.
There were a lot of sleepless nights for those people, and so I suggested new pillows for all—and trips to warmer climates during their off-seasons.
I suggested similar good will toward the men and women who are high school coaches and administrators. They are one phone call away from finding out that their games for the next two weeks are cancelled. They don’t know from day-to-day who will be in practice and what players they will coach against.
I said “if you could give all these people full seasons, I know they’d really appreciate it.”
Santa was unusually non-committal.
“You know I don’t have anything to do with ending the virus, right? I’m Santa. That’s out of my league.”
I told him that I understood, and he said he’d do his best, which is all we can ask.
I also thought he should include on the “Nice List” from sports the athletic trainers for sports teams at all levels. They have been treating players with injuries under the concerns that come with the virus, and while they are more informed and prepared to keeping themselves safe from it, they are an extended version of front-line workers is the battle against the Coronavirus.
But who is actually on the front lines? Laurent Duvernay-Tardif, the Chiefs’ offensive lineman who gave up a season of big money in the NFL to be a doctor in the middle of the pandemic.
Santa said he already had been taken care of.
Then Santa said “who hasn’t been good this year Rog?”
I bowed my head as I said “well, since you ask, we need to add college conference commissioners to your bad list.”
I explained that after announcing there would be no college sports in the fall, they reversed course when they counted up on the money they would be losing out on. Their Scrooge-like approach has earned them lumps of coal.
Notre Dame Football also should be on that list. They, once again, fooled us all into thinking they were a national championship contender like the Grinch fooled little Cindy Lou Who into thinking he was Santa. The Irish took their fans hopes for a title to the top of Mount Crumpit, only to let it slide down the other slide and crash into a million pieces on the rocky slopes.
Coal for them too.
I also encouraged Santa to include on the Naughty List Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, who couldn’t survive together any longer, and now they aren’t that great apart; CBS announcer Jim Nantz, who demanded a huge salary increase during a pandemic; and Clemson coach Dabo Swinney, who has become really annoying.
He hopped back aboard his ride and winked, as he always does at the end of his visits.
And I heard him exclaim as his sleigh hit the sky, “Merry Christmas, and Thursday, I’ll back by!”
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It used to happen every year, but not as much lately.
The sound of skidding hooves and metal in the snowy grass of my back yard followed by the woofing of my dog. I told the dog to go back to sleep. I said “I know what’s going on…I’ll take care of it.”
I slid the back door open, and there they were—Santa and his crew.
“What’s up old man?” I said to the jolly guy in the seat of the fancy ride.
He smiled and responded “Did you miss me? Being stuck in the North Pole really stinks.”
I stayed about 8 feet from him, and I grabbed a mask from my pocket and put it on. Do you think I want to be known as the guy who gave Santa Claus COVID the week before Christmas? No chance!
He was back in my neighborhood looking for advice on who had been naughty and who had been nice in the world of sports, and asking for gift ideas for them.
As always, I was honored to oblige.
He asked me about Colts quarterback Phillip Rivers first.
I told him that Rivers had been nothing but good and had been nothing but a good guy since he and his large family arrived in the Hoosier State. I reminded him how hard it is to cheer for someone who I had cheered against for so many years before. But he’s been good for the Colts and a good citizen.
I suggested Santa get him a small mini-bus to take his wife and 9 kids to the stadium on Sunday…and to the grocery store and wherever else they need to go together.
He inquired about the commissioners of professional sports leagues.
I praised him for thinking of them. What a tough time it’s been for these people over the last 10 months. Trying to do the right thing, trying to keep their players, coaches and officials safe, trying to offer a product to us consumers who so desperately needed it.
There were a lot of sleepless nights for those people, and so I suggested new pillows for all—and trips to warmer climates during their off-seasons.
I suggested similar good will toward the men and women who are high school coaches and administrators. They are one phone call away from finding out that their games for the next two weeks are cancelled. They don’t know from day-to-day who will be in practice and what players they will coach against.
I said “if you could give all these people full seasons, I know they’d really appreciate it.”
Santa was unusually non-committal.
“You know I don’t have anything to do with ending the virus, right? I’m Santa. That’s out of my league.”
I told him that I understood, and he said he’d do his best, which is all we can ask.
I also thought he should include on the “Nice List” from sports the athletic trainers for sports teams at all levels. They have been treating players with injuries under the concerns that come with the virus, and while they are more informed and prepared to keeping themselves safe from it, they are an extended version of front-line workers is the battle against the Coronavirus.
But who is actually on the front lines? Laurent Duvernay-Tardif, the Chiefs’ offensive lineman who gave up a season of big money in the NFL to be a doctor in the middle of the pandemic.
Santa said he already had been taken care of.
Then Santa said “who hasn’t been good this year Rog?”
I bowed my head as I said “well, since you ask, we need to add college conference commissioners to your bad list.”
I explained that after announcing there would be no college sports in the fall, they reversed course when they counted up on the money they would be losing out on. Their Scrooge-like approach has earned them lumps of coal.
Notre Dame Football also should be on that list. They, once again, fooled us all into thinking they were a national championship contender like the Grinch fooled little Cindy Lou Who into thinking he was Santa. The Irish took their fans hopes for a title to the top of Mount Crumpit, only to let it slide down the other slide and crash into a million pieces on the rocky slopes.
Coal for them too.
I also encouraged Santa to include on the Naughty List Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, who couldn’t survive together any longer, and now they aren’t that great apart; CBS announcer Jim Nantz, who demanded a huge salary increase during a pandemic; and Clemson coach Dabo Swinney, who has become really annoying.
He hopped back aboard his ride and winked, as he always does at the end of his visits.
And I heard him exclaim as his sleigh hit the sky, “Merry Christmas, and Thursday, I’ll back by!”
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